The pace of life here in Ramotswa has picked up dramatically in the last several weeks. We had continuous guests for 10 days -- first a BOTS 8 Peace Corps couple, then a photographer, and then a BOTS 7 couple who are preparing to complete their service. It was delightful seeing everyone, but continuously having people in our small house was a logistical challenge.
The photographer, Richard Sitler, is a former Peace Corps volunteer in Jamaica, who has been for the past year involved in a worldwide project to visit Peace Corps countries and volunteers in order to photograph them for a book to be published next year. It will coincide with the 50th anniversary of Peace Corps in 2011. We were asked to host him and he stayed with us for a week. Richard went with us to all of our activities taking over 300 photographs. We look forward to seeing the end product of his massive and heartfelt project. Additionally, while he was here, we were able to talk advantage of his professional expertise. He came to the Life Line group meeting and gave a wonderful presentation on basic photography showing the kids examples of well-done photographs, common mistakes that make photographs less desirable and how to set up a shoot….. all of which the kids thoroughly enjoyed.
Work life for me has been extra busy with meetings to revitalize the workplace HIV/AIDS program. This program instituted by the government, involves having peer educators and peer counselors within each department of the government to plan and implement HIV education and provide counseling to the staff. Although the program has been ongoing for two years, activity and reporting have recently waned. Our office therefore was tasked with visiting each department to revive the committees and provide assistance. There are over 15 departments, so we have been having two or three meetings a day. The advantage for me is visiting offices and departments that I have only heard about in the past, but have never had any direct contact; among others; forestry, agriculture, adult education, and tribal administration.
Maureen's six month, over 200 hour work project to establish a Club for HIV+ teens has hit a snag with the funding agency, which has some reservations about the nongovernmental organization who is to be the active partner in this endeavor. From her perspective, the problem identified as paperwork and certification does not in any functional way affect the readiness of the project to commence. Nevertheless, after a large group meeting with all the bigwigs, the project is still on hold, at least for now. NOT to her liking. I’ve been around her long enough to know her Irish persistence (some might say stubbornness!) so I am certain, with time, this project will happen. I would attempt to warn the involved parties of their ultimate fate in dealing with her, but I’d prefer to save my marriage.
The weather has begun to “cool off” a bit, with high temperatures only in the mid-80s. Periodic thundershowers continue, though and I still need to keep a washcloth handy at work, to wipe myself off as I am profusely sweating even at seven in the morning.
My cousin Craig sent me a humorous YouTube video on Hitler's reaction to Kansas losing to the University of Northern Iowa in March Madness. As I responded to him, no one's bracket got busted faster than mine. I had picked the University of Uganda to edge out the College of the Democratic Republic of the Congo in an overtime thriller, but the selection committee failed to take heed of my savvy choices. As I told Craig, if I had known that Idi Amin was dead, I probably would have gone for another champion. Amin had a remarkable knack for winning games. When other teams did manage to beat his team, "The Godzilla's of Government," the opposing team quickly and mysteriously disappeared, never to be seen again.
THE KALAHARI KHRONICLE, volume 1, number seven
Crime statistics in Botswana are small, in large measure because guns of any kind are banned by the government. Criminals in other countries however continue perpetrating dastardly infractions abroad. Because of the overwhelmingly positive response to last year’s "International Crime Fighter Edition” (my parents bought 10 copies to distribute to their friends), the Khronicle now brings you more stories in the annals of felonious behavior.
MULTI-TASKING
Belgian News Agency Beiga reported that a man suspected of robbing a jewelry store in Liege said he couldn't have done it because he was very busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.
CRIME REQUIRES PRECISION
Several papers in the San Francisco area have reports of a man who walked into a downtown Bank of America and wrote on the back of a deposit slip “This is a stikkup. Put all your money in this bag." While standing in line waiting to give his note to the teller, the man began to worry that someone may have seen him write the note and might call police before he could reach the teller. So the criminal walked across the street to the Wells Fargo bank. After waiting in line for several minutes, he handed his note to the teller. After reading it, the teller determined that this robber was perhaps a few sandwiches short of a picnic. She told him that because the note was written on a Bank of America deposit slip, she could not honor his demand. He would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo withdrawal slip or go back to the Bank of America. Feeling defeated, the man said he understood and left. The Wells Fargo teller promptly called the police who arrested him a few minutes later, still waiting in line at the Bank of America.
A CLOSE SHAVE
AOL news reported earlier this month that Florida Keys police arrested a 37-year-old woman when she crashed her 1995 Ford Thunderbird into another car. While driving, she attempted to shave her bikini area. According to the arrest report on March 2, Megan Mariah Barnes said she was on her way to Key West to meet her boyfriend. And that she "wanted to be ready for the visit." So, police say, she had her ex-husband, Charles Judy, who was riding in the passenger seat hold the wheel while she attended to her pubic hair.
Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi just hates when this happens and resolves never again to ride with his ex-wife while shaving his crotch en route to meet his new girlfriend.
FUTURE PLANNING
Police in Fairfield, Connecticut say they had ample warning of a bank robbery because the two suspects called the bank ahead of time and told an employee to get a bag of money ready for the drive through window. They arrested 27-year-old Albert Bailey and an unidentified 16-year-old boy on “robbery and threatening” charges at the People's United Bank in Fairfield. Sgt. James Perez says the two Bridgeport residents showed up about 10 minutes after making a call and were met by police in the parking lot. Perez told the Connecticut Post. "The suspects were not too bright".
Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi only has one question for these two bozo’s -- "Do you want fries with your cash?"
BAD MARKETING SCHEME
The Billings Montana Gazette reports the arrest of Remo Spencer after he was filmed by Wal-Mart store security cameras posting an advertisement to sell I Pod’s, which he had stolen from that store.
Kgosi’s Komments—In the spirit of helping his fellow man, Kgosi has written to Remo in the slammer. For future efforts to fence stolen property, Kgosi suggests Craig’s List or even better, Remo can hand out leaflets at the front door of Wal-Mart listing the hot items and Remo’s name address and phone number.
Faced with all these seemingly endless crimes, it is easy to become pessimistic about the human condition and law enforcement. Therefore this edition ends with two stories of heart and compassion.
DON'T CATCH COLD
Wellington, New Zealand police picked up two naked men on a late-night bike ride in the resort town of Whangamata, but let them off with a warning to put on helmets. The men told Senior Constable Kathy Duder, that they wished to "experience total freedom.” Although nudity is illegal, Constable Duder declined to arrest them and said “If you don't head home and get helmets, you may experience total confinement.”
NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED
Donald Wolfe, from just outside Pittsburgh PA was found by police by the side of the road attempting to give mouth to mouth resuscitation to a dead opossum. Police say that "the opossum had been dead for quite a while.” To further reward him for his extraordinary act of veterinary heroism, they arrested him for public drunkenness and gave him an overnight stay in the hoosegow.
Kgosi’s Komments—Kgosi has had medical training and also has great admiration for good Samaritans such as Mr. Wolfe. Nonetheless Kgosi does not fully understand the anatomy of providing mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to a dead opossum especially when its mouth is shut tight from rigor mortis.
Kgosi
P.S. The Khronicle knows that economic times are hard in the US. Therefore we pass on this actual website, http://j-walk.com/other/conf/ which advertises
The 3rd Annual Nigerian
Email Conference
"Write better emails. Make more moneys."
[Even though the conference is over, do go to the website—it’s a winner. Thanks to John Boak]
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Trips, Taxes and the Khronicle
We are back from America after a wonderful trip to Boston, and seeing many of our friends and relatives. Avie is growing rapidly and is a wonderfully cute and lovable granddaughter. Alison and Jason are doing well, although both of them could use more sleep. So, after one more 29 hour flight, we arrived back in Ramotswa tired but satisfied. An important part of the trip was being able to meet with a number of professors at Harvard Medical School discussing curriculum and getting materials to help us prepare to teach the Mental Health module at the new University of Botswana Medical School in May and June. We returned to the workaday grind and tried to resurrect the few bits of Setswana that we had before we left.
No Rest for the Weary
I was in the office no more than 2 hours when I found that in 4 days I was to attend a week long workshop in Francistown (6 hours drive from home) to follow up on our District research project. Unless one is in BW, it is difficult to conceive that workshops and trainings are scheduled, re-scheduled and sometimes cancelled with 1-2 days notice. It is not at all unusual to receive notice on Thursday of a 5 day training starting Monday. The funny part is that the Thursday notice says “We will tell you the venue tomorrow.” This means that accommodations and conference space for 85 people have not been yet secured on the last work day before the conference is to start. Much to the amazement of we Westerners, most of the time, it actually comes off!
More annoying though, is when this kind of notice arrives and you immediately cancel and re-schedule all of next week’s work agenda. Then Friday afternoon you receive a notice saying “The conference has been cancelled due to circumstances beyond our control and will be re-scheduled in 3 weeks.” Will the venue be secured 3 weeks ahead of time however? Nnoooooooooo! The same time frame repeats itself 2-3 days before the new starting date. What a country!
The truly cruel and inhumane part of returning to Africa this time though was realizing that we had to start preparing our 2009 income taxes. There is a uniquely sadistic realization that the long arm of the IRS reaches even to Botswana. Trying to obtain all the correct documents, organize them and prepare a return from 7000 miles away for income that feels as if it was earned in another universe brings up the sensation that I am being water boarded in Guantanamo.
Khronicle Vacancy
While back in America, Kgosi has been diligently trying to fill a vacancy on the Khronicle staff for a copy boy. The want ads in the Botswana newspapers did not generate much enthusiasm since apparently most people thought that Kgosi wanted someone to hand copy each individual newspaper. Given our salary rate of approximately 35 cents an hour, there were no takers.
Therefore, in a continuing effort to bring technology to Africa, Kgosi wrote to CareerBuilder.com asking them to send some "interesting resumes."
In the future however, Kgosi needs to be more specific in what he wants, since the following resume items were the only ones received:
A candidate for a marketing assistant position had previously worked in a supermarket very early in his career. For that job, he listed as one of his responsibilities: "To cut the cheese."
Another suggested that his reason for leaving his present position was "threat of death."
One resume appeared very interesting, since it seemed the candidate might have HIV experience. However, the total work amounted to "researching condoms in the local Washington DC area."
One lady said the salary was not a problem, but gave as her reason for leaving her previous employment as "I didn't like working at the strip club, because I felt exposed."
R. J’s application did not seem particularly appealing, since under "hobbies" he listed "sleeping etc. etc."
D G’s offered evidence of her good character as, "I have never trapped a man."
Another resume quickly eliminated was the one that listed her "personal accomplishments” as: “Getting back together with my boyfriend upon his release from prison."
Several others were also eliminated when they appeared to be somewhat lazy in their typing and instead of "Asst Manager” they kept writing
"Ass Manager.”
In the long run, Kgosi did not find anyone to fill the slot and the current edition will have to go out without the help of a copy boy. If any of you readers want to pick up some spare change and are interested in coming to Botswana, send Kgosi an e-mail with the details of your experience. Even if you don't work out as a copy boy, we probably had a job for you, since in my neighborhood, there are plenty of asses to manage.
Kalahari Khronicle , Volume 1 Number 6
Lighting the Way
The Associated Press filed the story of a Dutch veterinarian, who was fined 800 guilders (about $240) for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas. To demonstrate this, he ignited the gas, but the cow became "a four-legged flamethrower." The cow ran amok setting fire to bales of hay. The damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000, but the cow was unharmed.
Indigestion
WWWnews.com.au reports the unfortunate accident in which a hippopotamus swallowed a circus dwarf in northern Thailand as initially reported by the Pattaya Mail. The dwarf, nicknamed “Od” died when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus waiting to appear in the next act. Veterinarians said that due to the Hippo’s gag reflex, she automatically swallowed, leading to Od’s demise. More than 1000 spectators continued to applaud wildly until they realized there had been a tragic mistake.
Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi has been worried about this very occurrence happening here in Botswana after snapping the photograph above. Should this unfortunate occurrence happen however, he hopes to prevent the gag reflex by lacing his sunscreen with a mixture of garlic, horseradish, rutabaga, Tabasco sauce and donkey dung. So far this has worked very effectively in preventing accidental ingestion since all animals and most people stay at least 50 feet away at all times.
The Good Old American Entrepreneurial Spirit
AP reports on the Berkshire, Massachusetts Funeral Home that is beginning a marketing campaign to “Bring Life” to its business by sponsoring a chili cook-off to future customers. This is the same outfit that over the past year has been sending birthday cakes to local nursing homes and is sponsoring a visit from the Easter Bunny.
Kgosi’s Komments: Kgosi was initially intrigued by this spunky effort to drum up business and was ready to offer his services to work on the marketing team. He had offered his own ideas to get some bodies in the door, so to speak.
--We are offering a 20% discount on our” Indecision Special”-- a solid oak casket with a brass cremation urn inside
--Ask us about our “Double Wides” for your Plus Sized spouse
--For the Fourth of July Spicy Food Night: Come get some RED hot extra spicy food, before you turn WHITE or BLUE. There is a 10% off for anyone who dies within two weeks of the party and 20% off if the food actually makes you kick the bucket.
--Put our famous Ocean Rest water bed inside your beloved’s final resting place to that they do not get bed sores
--Buy two caskets and get a third one absolutely free!! Great for anyone with several sickly friends or elderly relatives
--Closeout sale on our real Birchwood caskets equipped with Dolby Surround Sound, stereo speakers and a huge sub-woofer. Your loved one should never need to stop listening to Herman’s Hermits, Benny Goodman or Tiny Tim playing his ukulele.
After some consideration however, Kgosi decided that the whole notion was a crock and decided to add this printed advertisement to the rapidly accumulating pile of paper that included urgent appeals to join AARP and reminders to schedule an annual colonoscopy. Kgosi is planning a giant bonfire in his back yard soon and will invite all our readers.
Besides Kgosi has not believed in the Easter Bunny since the age of seven—the bunny is just the same Dude who pretends to be Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, and bears a striking resemblance to my Father.
Kgosi--Your correspondent on the ground in Botswana
(or if you are an employee of the Berkshire Funeral Home,
Your correspondent just itching to be under the ground in Massachusetts)
P.S. Speaking of colonoscopies, Kgosi did do some initial investigation of obtaining this somewhat odious procedure in Africa. Of course the instructions were in Setswana so Kgosi could not be sure if he correctly understood them, but they appear to suggest:
1—You have to drink not 1 gallon, but either 2 or 12 gallons of that
“Go-Litely” stuff. The last time Kgosi prepped for a Tuesday morning colonoscopy with 1 gallon of “Go-Litely”, it ruined the entire experience of watching Monday Night Football.
2—Kgosi knows there is a shortage of medical instruments in Africa, but this clinic’s exact methodology was not totally clear. As best Kgosi could read, the items in the procedure room were a doctor, a nurse, a large jar of Vaseline and a live elephant with a surgically sterilized trunk. Kgosi began to have recurrent nightmares of watching Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday Night Football standing up.
The whole colonoscopy thing has been put very deep on the back burner.
No Rest for the Weary
I was in the office no more than 2 hours when I found that in 4 days I was to attend a week long workshop in Francistown (6 hours drive from home) to follow up on our District research project. Unless one is in BW, it is difficult to conceive that workshops and trainings are scheduled, re-scheduled and sometimes cancelled with 1-2 days notice. It is not at all unusual to receive notice on Thursday of a 5 day training starting Monday. The funny part is that the Thursday notice says “We will tell you the venue tomorrow.” This means that accommodations and conference space for 85 people have not been yet secured on the last work day before the conference is to start. Much to the amazement of we Westerners, most of the time, it actually comes off!
More annoying though, is when this kind of notice arrives and you immediately cancel and re-schedule all of next week’s work agenda. Then Friday afternoon you receive a notice saying “The conference has been cancelled due to circumstances beyond our control and will be re-scheduled in 3 weeks.” Will the venue be secured 3 weeks ahead of time however? Nnoooooooooo! The same time frame repeats itself 2-3 days before the new starting date. What a country!
The truly cruel and inhumane part of returning to Africa this time though was realizing that we had to start preparing our 2009 income taxes. There is a uniquely sadistic realization that the long arm of the IRS reaches even to Botswana. Trying to obtain all the correct documents, organize them and prepare a return from 7000 miles away for income that feels as if it was earned in another universe brings up the sensation that I am being water boarded in Guantanamo.
Khronicle Vacancy
While back in America, Kgosi has been diligently trying to fill a vacancy on the Khronicle staff for a copy boy. The want ads in the Botswana newspapers did not generate much enthusiasm since apparently most people thought that Kgosi wanted someone to hand copy each individual newspaper. Given our salary rate of approximately 35 cents an hour, there were no takers.
Therefore, in a continuing effort to bring technology to Africa, Kgosi wrote to CareerBuilder.com asking them to send some "interesting resumes."
In the future however, Kgosi needs to be more specific in what he wants, since the following resume items were the only ones received:
A candidate for a marketing assistant position had previously worked in a supermarket very early in his career. For that job, he listed as one of his responsibilities: "To cut the cheese."
Another suggested that his reason for leaving his present position was "threat of death."
One resume appeared very interesting, since it seemed the candidate might have HIV experience. However, the total work amounted to "researching condoms in the local Washington DC area."
One lady said the salary was not a problem, but gave as her reason for leaving her previous employment as "I didn't like working at the strip club, because I felt exposed."
R. J’s application did not seem particularly appealing, since under "hobbies" he listed "sleeping etc. etc."
D G’s offered evidence of her good character as, "I have never trapped a man."
Another resume quickly eliminated was the one that listed her "personal accomplishments” as: “Getting back together with my boyfriend upon his release from prison."
Several others were also eliminated when they appeared to be somewhat lazy in their typing and instead of "Asst Manager” they kept writing
"Ass Manager.”
In the long run, Kgosi did not find anyone to fill the slot and the current edition will have to go out without the help of a copy boy. If any of you readers want to pick up some spare change and are interested in coming to Botswana, send Kgosi an e-mail with the details of your experience. Even if you don't work out as a copy boy, we probably had a job for you, since in my neighborhood, there are plenty of asses to manage.
Kalahari Khronicle , Volume 1 Number 6
Lighting the Way
The Associated Press filed the story of a Dutch veterinarian, who was fined 800 guilders (about $240) for causing a fire that destroyed a farm in Lichten Vourde, the Netherlands. The vet had been trying to convince a farmer that his cow was passing flatulent gas. To demonstrate this, he ignited the gas, but the cow became "a four-legged flamethrower." The cow ran amok setting fire to bales of hay. The damage to the farm was assessed at $80,000, but the cow was unharmed.
Indigestion
WWWnews.com.au reports the unfortunate accident in which a hippopotamus swallowed a circus dwarf in northern Thailand as initially reported by the Pattaya Mail. The dwarf, nicknamed “Od” died when he bounced sideways from a trampoline and was swallowed by a yawning hippopotamus waiting to appear in the next act. Veterinarians said that due to the Hippo’s gag reflex, she automatically swallowed, leading to Od’s demise. More than 1000 spectators continued to applaud wildly until they realized there had been a tragic mistake.
Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi has been worried about this very occurrence happening here in Botswana after snapping the photograph above. Should this unfortunate occurrence happen however, he hopes to prevent the gag reflex by lacing his sunscreen with a mixture of garlic, horseradish, rutabaga, Tabasco sauce and donkey dung. So far this has worked very effectively in preventing accidental ingestion since all animals and most people stay at least 50 feet away at all times.
The Good Old American Entrepreneurial Spirit
AP reports on the Berkshire, Massachusetts Funeral Home that is beginning a marketing campaign to “Bring Life” to its business by sponsoring a chili cook-off to future customers. This is the same outfit that over the past year has been sending birthday cakes to local nursing homes and is sponsoring a visit from the Easter Bunny.
Kgosi’s Komments: Kgosi was initially intrigued by this spunky effort to drum up business and was ready to offer his services to work on the marketing team. He had offered his own ideas to get some bodies in the door, so to speak.
--We are offering a 20% discount on our” Indecision Special”-- a solid oak casket with a brass cremation urn inside
--Ask us about our “Double Wides” for your Plus Sized spouse
--For the Fourth of July Spicy Food Night: Come get some RED hot extra spicy food, before you turn WHITE or BLUE. There is a 10% off for anyone who dies within two weeks of the party and 20% off if the food actually makes you kick the bucket.
--Put our famous Ocean Rest water bed inside your beloved’s final resting place to that they do not get bed sores
--Buy two caskets and get a third one absolutely free!! Great for anyone with several sickly friends or elderly relatives
--Closeout sale on our real Birchwood caskets equipped with Dolby Surround Sound, stereo speakers and a huge sub-woofer. Your loved one should never need to stop listening to Herman’s Hermits, Benny Goodman or Tiny Tim playing his ukulele.
After some consideration however, Kgosi decided that the whole notion was a crock and decided to add this printed advertisement to the rapidly accumulating pile of paper that included urgent appeals to join AARP and reminders to schedule an annual colonoscopy. Kgosi is planning a giant bonfire in his back yard soon and will invite all our readers.
Besides Kgosi has not believed in the Easter Bunny since the age of seven—the bunny is just the same Dude who pretends to be Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy, and bears a striking resemblance to my Father.
Kgosi--Your correspondent on the ground in Botswana
(or if you are an employee of the Berkshire Funeral Home,
Your correspondent just itching to be under the ground in Massachusetts)
P.S. Speaking of colonoscopies, Kgosi did do some initial investigation of obtaining this somewhat odious procedure in Africa. Of course the instructions were in Setswana so Kgosi could not be sure if he correctly understood them, but they appear to suggest:
1—You have to drink not 1 gallon, but either 2 or 12 gallons of that
“Go-Litely” stuff. The last time Kgosi prepped for a Tuesday morning colonoscopy with 1 gallon of “Go-Litely”, it ruined the entire experience of watching Monday Night Football.
2—Kgosi knows there is a shortage of medical instruments in Africa, but this clinic’s exact methodology was not totally clear. As best Kgosi could read, the items in the procedure room were a doctor, a nurse, a large jar of Vaseline and a live elephant with a surgically sterilized trunk. Kgosi began to have recurrent nightmares of watching Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday Night Football standing up.
The whole colonoscopy thing has been put very deep on the back burner.
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