Desmond Tutu

We attended a conference on medical ethics at the University of Botswana week before last. The keynote speaker was Arch Bishop Desmond Tutu. It is not every day that you get to meet and talk with someone who has received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1984, the Albert Schweitzer Prize for Humanitarianism, the Gandhi Peace Prize in 2005 and the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2009. He is truly a humble, intelligent and courageous man.






I realize that it has been a few weeks since the last issue of the Kalahari Khronicle, but I have been out of the country at a conference. Initially I wanted to cover the International Climate Conference in Copenhagen, but our Board said that the cost was way outside the paper’s budget. I could however, go anywhere I liked as long as I paid for it out of $220.00 a month Peace Corps living allowance. I found a very reasonably priced conference to attend although some of the details were a bit vague. It was a 7-day meeting called “Creative and Fun uses for Excess Newsprint.” For a total cost of only $4.87 US, it sounded like just what Ben Bernanke ordered.

The first red flag was that I had to travel on a Canadian passport as a Canadian citizen and the conference site was in the middle of the Somalian desert. We landed in Mogadishu and were whisked off to our “mid-town” departure site guarded by these bearded guys with AK-47’s. We were given all the water we wanted and told to drink up since there were no pit stops or oases until we got to the conference venue. Our conference souvenir was a water bottle with a picture of “Our Hero, Muammar Khaddafi.”

It turned out that our 7-day conference was three days walk through the desert to arrive, one day of conference content and three days walking back. All the attendee’s luggage was awkwardly piled high on one over-burdened camel. Some of the delegates who were more accustomed to the Sahara considered this just a stroll in the park. For myself, I couldn’t stop glancing upward to a group of vultures that kept circling our caravan. The good thing was that since it was over 105 F, I didn’t have to pee for three days.
Only 6 attendees dropped from heat prostration and three more were unaccounted for by the time we reached our destination—the Idi Amin KOA Kampsite, Conference Center and Hand-to-Hand Combat Training School. There was a big sign nailed up to a palm tree welcoming us as “Fellow Newsprint Lovers.”

We cleaned up with a bucket bath and sat down for our opening (and closing) banquet. The camel was nowhere to be found and they served some sort of meat stew, but I couldn’t identify the main ingredient. At the end of the evening, they told us that the conference agenda was slightly changed, and that after tomorrow’s proceedings we would start walking at night to avoid the heat. We would have to carry our own luggage back though, because the camel was “unavailable.”

Sleep was interrupted as I kept seeing shadows inside the tent darting like scorpions. I never did decide what they were, but in the morning, two of the delegates appeared delirious with convulsions and had to be transported by litter back to Mogadishu.

Our keynote speaker was Warlord Zazi Al-Coa Al-Uminum. His address didn’t seem to have much to do with newspapers or newsprint. It was in a Somalian dialect so I didn’t catch it all, but as best I could figure out it appeared to be his life story of growing up in poverty. Through his persistence, he rapidly rose in power and affluence. He showed some great ocean pictures, and a lot of boats. He even had a number of close-up shots of a Dutch and a German oil Supertanker.

Before we headed off on the trek back home, we were given our farewell gifts which included four coconuts, three figs, two dates and a partridge in a pear tree. I wasted the coconuts throwing them at the partridge, which was eating the dates and the figs. I did manage to connect with my last throw just after it gulped down the last fig. The guards…errr…..hospitality hosts quickly put the unconscious bird in a gunny sack murmuring something about feeding the homeless. By the way, these hosts were really interesting guys. Although somewhat heavily armed, they said that they were volunteers from AARP, and they knew a lot about America. One of them described that since the debate over healthcare was getting nasty in the States that all AARP members were required to carry surface-to-air, shoulder mounted missile launchers.

Well enough about my travels—Let get to the news.



The Kalahari Khronicle
Volume 1, Number 3
”News you can’t possibly use”

UNEMPLOYMENT CRISIS AVERTED
It is no secret that many people are out of work in America. On November 18, the Gaborone Daily News tried to do its part to get people back to work by running nine separate advertisements for “Herd Boys”. Some of them ask for "hard-working and sober habits.", but others say no experience or qualifications needed to “look after cattle”. The salary is listed as P400, but it doesn't say if this amount (approximately $55) is the salary per week, per month or per year. Unfortunately no 401K or pre-paid health plan included. In any case, if you like to be out under the stars and are not opposed to frequent blasts of cow produced methane, these jobs are for you. Advancement is a real possibility as there are also several vacancies in a local piggery. I have no doubt that many of these employers would accept "Herd Girls" as well.

COLORADO CONCERNS

Since we have left, it does appear that things in the State of Colorado are deteriorating rapidly judging from these two stories:

The Associated Press, on November 27 reported that a Boulder Colorado man apparently tried to steal an ATM. The alleged attempted theft of a freestanding outdoor ATM did not work however. When police arrived they found the ATM on its side, about 15 feet from where it had been taken. Surveillance photos show a man attaching the ATM to a chain on the back of a U-Haul truck, which was discovered a short distance away later that day.

Kgosi’s Komment
Obviously this Boulder man had not read the report from Kentucky in which two men tried to pull the front panel off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling off the front panel of the machine however, it pulled the bumper off the truck. Scared, they left the scene and drove home
-- with the chain still attached to the machine
-- with their bumper still attached to the chain
-- with their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper


QUICK THINKING

Keystone Colorado made the Summit County Daily News last week when they reported that a father was "shocked" when a local sheriff’s deputy called asking whether this man’s son was having a sex change operation. The trouble started when Wanda, a Colorado woman was caught at Keystone ski Resort trying to use the ski pass of a man named Daniel. When asked for a date of birth, she complied, but "was slow to recall," according to the report. To account for the name on the pass, the woman claimed to be in the middle of a sex change operation. When called by the sheriff’s deputies to verify that in fact, he was undergoing a sex change operation, Daniel too denied that this was true. Eventually, Wanda identified herself and was booked on charges of theft and criminal impersonation.


Kgosi’s Komment-- You have to give Wanda an A grade for creativity on the spur of the moment. She was certainly smarter than the Great Falls, Montana man, Remo Spencer, who stole several iPods and computers from the Wal-Mart store in which he worked. He was subsequently apprehended after the store security cameras filmed him posting “For Sale” notices for the same IPods and computers on his store's employee bulletin board.

FOR WOMEN ONLY—UNDIES ARE SHOCKING
According to UK tabloid the Sun, a 33-year-old Welsh housewife ended up in hospital after wearing Ann Summers brand vibrating Passion Pants to her local supermarket in Swansea. Unfortunately, she became so “aroused” that she fainted then "fell against shelves and banged her head". This prompted the attendance of the paramedics who "found the black leatherette panties still buzzing". Having disabled the underwear, they then whisked the senseless shopper to a hospital where she made a complete recovery. Staff handed her back the Passion Pants upon discharge, discreetly concealed in a plastic bag.

Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi thought this story strange until he did a Google search for “Electric Underwear” and got 4 million, one hundred and ten thousand separate sites on the Internet. He will no longer try to resuscitate any unconscious Africans without wearing rubber soled shoes and bringing a set of jumper cables.


And finally just to assure the reader that the Khronicle is entirely gender neutral, the following story:

FOR MEN ONLY – BEACH BALLS


Ananova News Service December 2009

A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had gotten stuck.
Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports Croatian news service 24sata.
His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down naked on his wooden deckchair.
But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.
He was eventually freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of the staff to cut the deck chair in half with a chainsaw.

Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi is trying to decide if it was more difficult to sit there trapped to your deck chair and look nonchalant while talking naked on the cell phone or trying to be unconcerned when the hotel staff was coming down the middle of the deck chair toward the family jewels with a chainsaw.

Kgosi


Remember Kgosi’s African slogan of the Week:
“Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.”

Move over Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul take a back seat , It's Kgosi and Kopo time

We were invited to be the guest judges at the Miss Junior Shelter beauty pageant last Saturday. At first, I was a little wary as to what message it was giving the girls, but it really was fine. You could see their confidence grow by leaps and bounds as things proceeded and they all had a great time. About 100 parents and friends attended in the audience.

The program was to start at 10 AM. We were told to arrive at 8 AM, but knowing Botswana, we thought that 9 AM was more reasonable. We finally got started at 10 minutes to noon.
Aaah the joys of Botswana time. The third judge was a Motswana sound engineer by the name of Chandi, who played bass guitar in a band ---nice guy and great dreads. We drew up categories on which to judge--smile, posture, walk, outfit, hair, poise, and shoes-- and rated each contestant in each category on a 1-10 scale.

THE GIRLS PARADED

They made up their own stage names such as Natasha, Latoy, Curve, Girly, Belly and Leon. (I never quite understood the last two) and strutted their stuff. (Go to the website to view the movies)




THE BOYS ENTERTAINED



THE JUDGES DELIBERATED

We compared our results and very scientifically tallied up the points..




The competition was very close and after the final evening gown competition,
three finalists were chosen--Leon, Kelly and Curve.

Each girl got a prize--for Outstanding hair, outfit, walk etc. The prizes were a single wrapped dinner plate! (Don't ask me--I just showed up to judge. I think the prize budget was lean)

In the end, cute-as-a-button Leon was thrilled to come in third, Kelly was disappointed not to win and Curve was chosen as Miss Junior Shelter. She promptly was overcome with emotion to the point that she had to go off stage to compose herself before coming back to receive her sash and prizes including an electric cooking pot.







It was a totally memorable and probably never-to-be-repeated experience for us.

Kgosi and Kopo

Movie Viewing Reminder

As some of you may have already discovered, several email services do not let you view the movie clips on our blog if you try to view them from the email text. You just see a still picture with no movie. Just go to the web blog site http://doranafrica.blogspot.com The movies are easily seen by clicking the arrow in the lower left corner below the picture

We've been hopping

It's been a very busy last 10 days, what with moving into our new house, packing, unpacking, arranging furniture and getting settled. I would say that we are are 85% completed and it is beginning to feel like home. All the rooms except the second bedroom are now set up and functional. Our next task is to track down some furniture for that room and put some pictures and decorations on the walls. I'll post a video tour when it looks finished. It has been 90-95 degrees every day, and we each sweat through our clothes at least twice a day. The end-of-the-day bath is a treat to look forward to..... as is the mid-day bath when you are too hot to think!

The day before yesterday, we got the DSL internet line installed in the house at last--a real boon for us to stay connected to you all through Skype and email. It also allows us to upload some videos and pictures from the comfort of our own living room.



Last Thursday our Professor friend Susan invited us up for a Thanksgiving dinner in Gaborone,which made it feel like a holiday after all. She is returning to Charleston SC in 12 days, and we will really miss her. We stayed over in Gaborone with her on Thursday night and left Friday for World AIDS Day. The Gaborone airport is undergoing a major renovation, both because it has outgrown its current building and it is anticipating a big crowd for the Soccer World Cup in June. The government has made tourism a big part of its long-range economic diversification plan and a first class airport is necessary.

The National AIDS Day commemoration was in Kasane, at the Northern tip of the country on the Chobe River where the four countries of Botswana, Namibia, Zimbabwe and Zambia meet. It is one of the big jumping off points for international travelers arriving for game drives and river trips. From Ramotswa, it would have been a 15 hour bus ride to go by land. After our 13 hour bus ride to Maun last month, we decided to bite the financial bullet and fly. Not particularly the Peace Corps way, but a lot more comfortable. Air Botswana is the national airline--modern, clean and safe. An 80-seat turbo prop made the one hour and 45 minute flight without a hitch and served complimentary beer, wine and soda, as well as beef jerky and a peanut/raisin mix for snacks. It reminded us both of our "previous life" when we flew 50-60,000 miles a year.

We spent 5 days in Kasane, 4 of which were hosted by our Peace Corps colleague, Joan Dever. We had her place to ourselves as she was house sitting for a local Motswana resident. As World AIDS Day neared on Tuesday, several more PC's arrived and it was a big house party. We spent the last night at the Chobe Game Lodge which is the only lodge situated upriver, about 8 miles from town and inside the Chobe Game Reserve. The whole trip felt very much like a well deserved mini-vacation. The following movies will give you a flavor.

A Little Bit of Luxury--Chobe Game Lodge




Elephants Everywhere and they can swim (I am not sure I knew that.)

On a game drive inside the park, we saw giraffes, elephants, hippos, crocs, warthogs, many birds, and lions. We even saw two lionesses stalking an unsuspecting Cape buffalo. We waited to see if they would go in for the attack, but our guide said they would wait upwind for hours for just the right moment when the buffalo was isolated from the herd. The Cape buffaloes are huge and it takes at least two lions to bring one down with a ferocious struggle. The buffalo run in herds and are protective of their own. When lions attack, they run the risk of being trampled or gored by the rest of the herd. The tension in the air was palpable.

I have some good still pictures of the various animals which I will post at another time. For now, watch "Elephants on Parade" from the river trip and the game drive.





In the evening, the Lodge guests often gather at the bar for a pre-dinner cocktail. We befriended a German couple and a Canadian couple (the husband, Grant, was on the hockey team for the University of North Dakota and played in the NCAA championships in 1963 beating BC in the semi-final played at McHugh Forum on the BC campus. The Germans spoke good English and we had a very enjoyable international dinner.



World AIDS Day itself was a 3-4 hour celebration and commemoration with an early morning group walk to the site, a band, a parade of HIV/AIDS organizations, singing and dancing, educational booths and highlighted by a visit from Botswana President Lt. General Khama Ian Khama. It is a very big day here and most all the important dignitaries from the country were in attendance. A catered lunch at an in-town lodge followed the formal events, and we departed to the airport in the afternoon. This movie will provide a flavor of the festivities:



The next month or so dramatically slows down at every office and workplace. Over the holidays, many Batswana take vacation, return to their home villages and families, and business virtually stops. We will take some time to relax ourselves and will be thinking of all of you.

Kasane Kgosi

Cows Win! Cows Win!

It is true that cows are prohibited inside the city limits of Ramotswa. This did not seem to bother the herd that showed up outside our door on Saturday. They were busy moseying down the street, when I took this picture of Kopo on our back patio. I think she is saying, with deference to Harry Carey. Cows win! Cows Win!




The cows did not drive us into another house. We had been looking forward to this possibility for the past 5 months, and it has finally come to pass. Our "new" house has finally been vacated, and we are in the process of moving. As with everything else in Botswana, there is a complicated process that no matter how hard you try, you cannot circumvent.

We wanted to have the house painted on the inside and decided that the quickest way was to do it ourselves. Nnooooo. First off, we forgot how hard it was to get the materials cross town without a car. Within an hour and with the assistance of two taxis, we were able to return to the house to begin clean up, spackling and wall prep. Five hours later, we had prepped all the walls but only got three walls of one room completed before we needed to leave for language training and decided to pay a painter to come in and do the work.

What we didn't count on is that our partial painting job kept the inspector from inspecting the house and passing it for occupancy. Therefore we have to wait until the painting is completed to get the inspection done, in order that we can then get some "casual labor" to move our furniture and eventually move in.

We got the name of a reliable Zimbabwean painter from our friend Susan, and he started Wednesday. Within 48 hours, the weather made a marked shift from 95° to a high of 62 with drenching rain. This delayed the painter from finishing the job, which prevented the cascade of necessary maneuvers from happening this week.

Nonetheless, we are delighted that soon will we will be able to move into our new place, shown below. It has two bedrooms, a larger living room, a slightly larger kitchen, a separate bathtub room and toilet as well as a front porch, a roof top solar powered hot water heater and a private yard, which is mostly surrounded by hedges. It is just four houses down the row from our current house, but all of the traffic goes in the other direction, so it is a much quieter location. We are thrilled.

The New House




On to the Orient

My boss, the District AIDS Coordinator received a wonderful invitation to travel for two weeks to China and give a presentation at an HIV conference in Sichuan province. I was delighted for her since she has only once before been out of Botswana to South Africa. In typical African fashion, they invited her less than two and as half weeks before she was to depart. She ran around frenetically trying to obtain the various medical checkups, paperwork, visas, and other necessary items, while simultaneously reveling in her good fortune. Also in African tradition, three days before she was supposed to leave, she got a phone call saying she was not going, because the Chinese sponsoring agency had lowered the age of conference participants from 55 to 50. Since she is 52, she was now not going and was crestfallen (Don't try to read any logic into this decision, I don't think there was any).

After several hours of frustrating negotiations with the Ministry of Local Government and the Chinese Embassy, she finally did get the go-ahead to depart today. We are so excited for her and pleased that the bureaucracy did not get in the way. She asked me to create a presentation for her in PowerPoint that she could give it at the conference, which I finished off yesterday. In addition to a description of our HIV treatment and prevention program here, I included multiple pictures of Botswana, its scenery and animal life.

Language Lessons.

Kopo and I traveled up Mochudi, two hours from here over last weekend to meet with six other Peace Corps volunteers for an intensive language week in Setswana. Since both of us had important meetings back here in Ramotswa, we could only stay for several days, not the whole week. It was nice to get a brush up on the language and spend some time with our fellow volunteers. I continue to be impressed with what a great group of people they are.

The down side, as far as I'm concerned, is that this confirmed that neither Kopo nor I are going to be fluent in Setswana. It could be done, but it takes continual practice and usage. We are both just too tired at the end of the day to spend time with a tutor or studying language books. In both Kopo’s school and my office, our colleagues are so competent in English, that there is no incentive to speak Setswana and with all the important things going on at both sites, it would actually slow down the whole work day to try to use it. I have to say that I am somewhat disappointed in myself for not reaching one of the goals I had set before arriving, but you can't do everything.

Death by Electricity

If I end up deceased in Africa (which I don't think is too likely), it will not be from something exotic like snakebite or a rhino-ramming. It is going to be death by electricity, and not in the usual way. I think the likelihood of dropping a radio into the bathtub is fairly remote and the electricity is inconsistent enough to make electrocution almost impossible. Since I have sworn of buggery with any African critters, getting “the chair” is also unlikely. What it will say on my death certificate is that I am the first person in Botswana to die of “acute and chronic electrical frustration.”

Electricity in Botswana is a frail, paradoxical, intricately complicated version of electricity in the United States. Don't think that we are not happy to have it, because we have talked with volunteers who don't have it and their lives are much different. Reading by candlelight is just not my cup of tea.

There are three different plugs in common usage here in Botswana -- the big fat round three pronged ones, the flat triangular three pronged ones, and a small two-pronged type. I have had the audacity to introduce a fourth type -- the old flat United States two-pronged type (Don't even get me started on the further complexity brought on by trying to use the United States three prong grounded version).



There is no rhyme or reason as to why any given appliance will have a particular plug. Needless to say none of these four types fit into one another without a big bulky adapter. Since each plug type has a male end (for plugging in) and a female end (to be plugged into), the number of needed adapters is almost infinite. The useful life of an adapter before it dies is approximately 5.2 days.

Rooms in a house have at most one outlet, which is positioned as far as possible from the place where you are likely to use an electrical appliance. Therefore, extension cords are a hot commodity, but they only come in two sizes -- 18 inches and the length of the Nile.

Buying and using an electrical appliance like a fan or a coffee pot, and actually getting it to work is somewhat complicated.

1. You buy the appliance, take it home and unpack the parts from the box—appliances never seem to come assembled.
2. You try to read the directions printed on a piece of paper the size of a cigarette pack, written in Chinese with a diagram requiring a magnifying glass.
3. You rapidly discover that not all the parts/screws/nuts/clips are appropriately included.
4. You go back to the store to get another replacement appliance and find that they no longer stock this appliance and that you bought the only one in the entire store.
5. You go to the hardware store to buy said screws/nuts/clips and find they do not have any of the correct sizes.
6. You go home and resign yourself to only partially assembling the appliance using a large dose of creativity and lots of duct tape
7. After applying the plug-in process described below, you use the item 1 to 8 times until it breaks
8. You hunt for a place to discard the now-useless appliance carcass. If the item is large (a refrigerator or a stove), you leave the useless carcass exactly where it is in the room, buy another similar appliance and place it next to the old one.
9. If the broken item is portable, you remove the carcass to the yard and deposit it in a semi-inconspicuous spot alongside your neighbor’s non-running vehicle, which now has no tires and is propped up on cement blocks
10. If you do buy a new appliance, you repeat steps 1 to 6 with new, but similarly unintelligible directions, and/or consider the possibility of doing without this particular appliance altogether.

The plug-in procedure:

Just "plugging in" and turning on an appliance is in itself a multistage operation requiring skill and patience:
First, you find out if the plug type matches the wall outlet (Odds are 3 to 1 that it will not).
When it doesn’t, you search for the appropriate adapter. If you are fortunate enough to have the appropriate adapter in the house, it will mean disconnecting the electrical set up that you carefully made yesterday for a second appliance, thereby rendering the second appliance temporarily nonfunctional.
If you do not have an adapter, you walk to the store and try to buy one. You are told that they ran out of that adapter, but they might be getting more "next week"-- which means that you might obtain said adapter in February (see a previous blog post on "Botswana time.").



Once an adapter is obtained and an extension cord is connected, you turn on the appliance to discover that the weight of the adapter plus the cord causes the cord/adapter assembly to fall out of the socket. Therefore as shown below, you prop up the adapter with bricks, rocks, books, or previously broken, appliances that you mistakenly thought were totally useless.




You discover that even when pushed in, plugs rarely make continuous electrical contact. Jiggling, jockeying, pushing, and pulling is necessary to get a connection, which immediately stops the instant you take your hand away. Despite your best efforts and Herculean patience to get electricity flowing, you find that walking, talking, sneezing or breathing within 8 feet of the outlet causes the plug to move slightly and the electricity to stop.

American appliances run on 110 V. African electricity is 220 V. The two do not mix without a voltage converter. I discovered this when I plugged an American clock into an African outlet, instantly saw a plume of smoke, and now use the clock as a paperweight which permanently says that it is 6:13 PM. The need for a converter requires that if you want to use an American appliance, you need an American plug adapter plugged into a voltage converter, which is plugged into the appropriate African plug adapter, which is plugged into the wall socket.

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Wires from these various jerry-rigged connections create a new menace. The odds are very high that you will trip over the wires, causing one of three things to happen:
-- You pull the appliance off the table, causing it to fall and break.
-- You break the cord, the adapter, and/or the plug
-- You fall flat on your face.

Trying to have more than one appliance plugged into one wall socket (an absolute necessity in an African house) results in a rat’s nest of cords (see below).



No matter how carefully you try to separate the cords, overnight they become tied in knots. I think they are breeding.



Just when you have solved all of these problems, actually have the appliances working, have avoided tripping over the wires and sit down to admire your handiwork, the electricity goes out in your entire block and you try to remember where you left the candles.

The Land Line Telephone

Telephones are a special brand of electrical agony. Voice quality is good and the ability to phone anywhere in the country is a bonus, as long as you don't have to call a cell phone. I learned rapidly that there are certain land lines that can only call other land lines. Despite the fact that virtually everybody in Botswana has a cell phone, it takes a special land line to call a cell phone. In our office this then creates a series of little signs attached to the various phones --"will call a cell phone," will call a land line only", “will call extension phones in the Ramotswa government offices only, but will not make outside calls."

This is only a minor inconvenience, however, and the real problem is what happens between the wall phone jack and the phone itself. In a small office, the phone lines invariably cross where you walk. At least twice a day you trip over the phone line pulling the phone off the desk or more likely snapping the little plastic spring connector that keeps the phone line attached to the back of the phone. Thus we have multiple phones where the plastic connector only works if you use one hand to keep the connector pushed into the back of the phone. Simultaneously holding the handset, dialing and pushing the little plastic Doohickey into the back of the phone works well if you have three arms. Otherwise, it results in the plastic doohickey pulling out of the back of the phone at a crucial time in the call. The ensuing disconnection necessitates either you or the other person to call back. Taking a phone message for someone is interesting, although I have solved the problem by learning to grasp a pencil between my toes and writing with my feet.

I have speculated that the connection wires from the wall phone jack to the phone itself are actually alive, since they seem to have the ability to wind themselves around furniture legs and chair pedestals during the night. This process occurs every night without your knowledge or consent. Most Africans do not go to the trouble of trying to unwind the cords since they will only creep, crawl and twist again by morning. Rather than unwinding the cord, some natives have decided to leave their phone on the floor. This would not be a half bad solution, were it not that the African style curled cord from the phone base to the handset appears to have been made from an industrial strength steel spring, which convolutedly coils into a small ball. This occurs to a point that you cannot pick up the handset without leaning your head down to within 6 inches of the phone base. Combined, these two factors require that when the phone in this picture rings, you have to get down on your hands and knees and put your head under the chair to speak into the handset.



It makes no difference though, because I usually can't understand the Setswana over the phone anyway.

I didn't intend to get so detailed about this, but I did want to cover the eventuality that if I am ever found unconscious on the floor having tripped over an electrical cord and having died from asphyxia caused by the curly phone cord, I wanted to make sure that Kopo was not a suspect.

R.I.P.

Kgosi

My proposed project

For this week's post, I thought I would describe the secondary project that I am trying to start here. Not sure if it will be funded or not, but so far the feedback is positive from the local and National Library groups as well as the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, which is providing funding for the library construction.

Kgosi



My Life Is in the Library



Project:

This project will be composed of two parts:

1--To Establish an Educational Series , entitled ”My Life Is in the Library," targeted specifically at youth aged 14 to 30, which will be based in the new Ramotswa Library. In addition to presentations to a live audience, the series will be audio/video recorded for ongoing use and distribution to other libraries and reading rooms in the country.

2-- To organize and maintain a group of 20-25 in-school and out-of-school youth called "Lifeline" who will be involved in small group discussion of the educational topics. In addition they will function in planning and implementing HIV/AIDS, life skills and health related activities for the community

Supporting Evidence and Southeast District Facts:


BAIS 3 reveals a 12.6% HIV/AIDS prevalence within the South East District. Current population estimates show that 16,670 people are currently HIV infected. There is a 29.9 % prevalence in the 20 to 30-year-old age range which the highest rate of any age group measured. Considering this statistic, it can be assumed that virtually everyone in this district has a friend, co-worker or relative who is infected or affected by the illness.
A teen pregnancy rate of 9.9% indicating a large number of females engaging in unprotected sex.
A national Multiple Concurrent Partnership rate estimated at 10% (19% for males and 6%).
A high and continually rising incidence of sexually transmitted diseases in the 15 to 30 year age range indicating a high incidence of unprotected sexual intercourse.
At 23.3%, a particularly high incidence of HIV/AIDS in the female population between 20 and 24.
A rate of male circumcision of 16.2%, far below the nationally established target of 80%
Life skills programming which includes mental health and interpersonal issues, has recently been introduced into the schools but has been as yet, minimally implemented. For those not in school there is no organized education or teaching program on HIV AIDS, interpersonal skills, mental health or disease.
Other issues of concern that fuel the AIDS epidemic include:
Alcohol and drug use and abuse
Rapid societal change, including an economic downturn leading to high unemployment
Frequent change of geographical location fostered by job change,
Disrupted family connections leading to isolation, loneliness and an increase in Multiple Concurrent Partnerships.

While basic knowledge of HIV is one important weapon in prevention, there are many other issues including interpersonal and mental health issues that contribute to its spread. Preventing HIV is not only teaching about what not to do, but fostering positive traits, personal growth, a positive work ethic and increased self-confidence. Knowledge of psychological and relationship issues is hampered however, by a lack of mental health professionals in the district. There are no psychiatrists in the district. There is only one psychologist and three mental health nurses who are stationed at Bamalete Lutheran Hospital. These practitioners primarily treat patients with major mental illnesses. Professional time is limited to provide education on interpersonal relationships, less severe mental health conditions and the relationship of both of these to HIV/AIDS.


Resources

To potentially counter these challenges, there is a major new resource in the district. There is a centrally located and well-planned new library that will open in Ramotswa in January 2010. The library will have an amphitheater, multiple computers with Internet access and state-of-the-art technical capabilities.
Efficient, thorough, and convenient library services will offer new opportunities for the Southeast district community. In addition to librarian assisted instruction on basic computer skills, intelligent and competent use of the Internet will allow citizens to harness information never before available. Spacious accommodations for large and small group meetings will attract all ages, curious about offerings designed to enhance health and wellness.

While we understand that a venue like the Ramotswa Library will attract all citizens, children, youth and young adults are the most likely to utilize the opportunities available on the Internet and in the world of cyberspace. As documented in the World Bank report “Development and the Next Generation”, children and young adults under the age of 25 are significant users of new information technologies. When given computer access by the age of 10, young people are more likely to have used the Internet than adults at any age beyond 25.

Principle organizer

Christopher M. Doran M.D., Botswana Peace Corps volunteer, will serve as principle organizer and co-presenter. As a Psychiatrist and an academic Professor of Mental Health for the past 35 years, Dr. Doran is uniquely qualified to teach mental health and interpersonal subjects. As a physician, he is also in a desirable position to recruit others from Hospitals, the University, and the Community to share their expertise with the population in the South East district.
The project will be co-facilitated by Ramotswa library staff. Since there is local staff involved, the project will be sustainable and extendable.

Objectives:

To use library opportunities to strengthen HIV/AIDS and Life Skills education to in-school youth and out-of-school young adults in the South East District
To offer programming which provides needed information on HIV prevention and/or treatment, maintaining a healthy lifestyle, personal development, increasing self esteem, and managing interpersonal relationships.
To firmly establish the Library as a valuable resource and gathering place in the community for knowledge, and interpersonal connection.
To provide and develop computer and internet skills as the most efficient and potent methodology to meet Vision 2016, and for advancing access to 21st-century information.

Format and Method for Educational Series:

Large educational sessions will be given once a month for 90 minutes. The sessions will be assessed for audience attendance and interest, and if deemed successful, twice monthly sessions will be considered. In addition to the presentation content, each speaker will be required to give at least three computer websites to guide listeners in obtaining additional subject information on the Internet. Written Internet addresses will be provided to each participant.
Dr. Doran will present a number of the presentations as appropriate and other speakers will be recruited as well. Strong emphasis will be placed on ensuring a Motswana co facilitator. The presentations will be presented on Saturday morning from 10:30 to 12:00 AM followed by tea and snacks.
The program presentations for the first six months will be taken from the following list (see below) and will be determined by the town Library Committee with participation from the Lifeline Group as noted below.


Possible presentation topics:

HIV Basics,
Multiple Concurrent Partnerships,
Behavioral Change,
Safe Male Circumcision,
For Girls Only -- Understanding Guys,
For Boys Only--Understanding Girls,
Love and Dating,
Surviving the Teenage Years,
Problem Solving and Decision-Making,
Making Relationships Work, When Partners Don't Agree
Getting Better Grades by Studying Smarter,
Getting the Job You Want,
Budgeting and Finances,
Dealing with Death,
How to Survive Trauma,
Managing Grief and Grieving
Increasing Self-Confidence and Boosting Self-Esteem,
Stress Reduction and Management,
When Good People Do Bad Things,
Becoming a Better Athlete,
Making and Keeping Friends,
Healthy Lifestyle Maintenance: Good Nutrition, Exercise and Sleep,
The Power of Spiritual Strength,
Parenting Skills for Raising Young Children,
Parenting Skills for Raising Teenage Children,
Parenting Skills for Teenagers, and Young Adult Parents
Coping with Loneliness,
When to Visit the Medical Clinic--10 Health Signals You Should Not Ignore,
Anxiety and Depression and How to Deal with Them,
The History of Botswana,
Using Your Imagination to Think Creatively
Advanced Computer Skills including Word Processing, PowerPoint and Spreadsheets

The Lifeline Group

2--The "Lifeline" small group portion of the project would involve a selection of 20 to 25 motivated in-school and out-of- school youth comprising an ongoing group. They would meet monthly immediately after the Educational Presentations and tea. After initial formation and organization, the overall functions of the group would include:

Small Group Discussion of the Educational topic of the Presentation
Organizing and implementing activities to foster knowledge relating to HIV/AIDS, health, life skills and library activities.

Developing educational materials with youth-oriented messages for distribution to the community and schools.

Interfacing with the Information and Education Committee (IEC) to provide youth oriented input. One member of Lifeline will sit on that committee as a community at-large representative.

Creating leaflets, posters, art work and other suitable materials for conveying HIV/AIDS education, health and life skills messages to the community.

Providing the work force to implement tasks related to the "My Life Is in the Library" portion of the project.

In recognition of their service, this group would be reimbursed a small amount of money for travel expenses. In addition, they would be given some small badge of recognition as a member of the Lifeline group such as a shirt, hat, kerchief, or necktie. For active participation, individuals would be offered access to educational sessions provided by the project organizer, such as advanced computer training, advanced English skills, or a book club.

Start Date
April 1, 2010 running for a twelve month period to March 30, 2011

Evidence Based Planning--Khutse

Mostly a photo post this week---

We spent Monday to Thursday this week in Khutse, an outpost on the edge of the CKGR, (the Central Kalahari Game Reserve). At the suggestion of one of the nurses, we went there for our annual District planning session on Evidence Based Planning. This is a concept that was introduced by the BW government last year to more effectively target the funds and activities in the fight against HIV/AIDS. Simply put, the government has mandated that any funding must be for activities that are specifically supported by evidence, statistics and data from our particular district. In my opinion, it is a wise move in order to keep from just “throwing money at the problem.” Local government funds are relatively plentiful (thanks to money from the diamond mines), but rightfully it needs to be spent well and in targeted fashion.

We gathered 22 of the major stakeholders in the District--NGO’s, Youth organizations, support groups, a school representative (Kopo), community representatives, the AIDS Coordinator’s Office Staff and several representatives of Central Ministry-- to plan out our activities for the year April 2010-March 2011. Our office insisted on a quiet place where the group could work without distraction. After a lot of arm twisting, we obtained the money to go to Khutse, about 250 KM from Ramotswa. You travel to the end of the paved road then another 50 miles on a rutted, wash-boarded gravel road to the Khutse Kalahari Lodge. It was nicely appointed with individual thatched roof chalets, a swimming pool and a surprisingly modern conference center. I say we had to twist a few arms because the Lodge charges Western-style prices—about $100 a night per person for room and breakfast—a king’s ransom by BW standards. This was a major working vacation for many of the participants since they seldom get to travel much and it is especially rare to be able to stay at such a nice place.

We used the conference well though. I had a major role in collecting all the District data and presenting it. South East district, in which lies Ramotswa, is the smallest district in the country, and one that has done reasonably well in controlling the spread of HIV. Nonetheless, we have an overall prevalence rate in the population of 12.6% and rates as high as 28-34% in the age groups from late 20’s to early 30’s.

As someone who was familiar with data, research, objectives etc, I also led the group for much of the time. We first identified our district-specific “problem areas” then had a democratic-style vote to narrow the list to the 5 areas which we would concentrate on for the upcoming year. They ended up being:

A High Teenage Pregnancy rate with few support services for teen mothers

A low rate of HIV testing in general

A low rate of Couples testing

A high rate of HIV in the 30-35 year old age group, likely due to the prevalence of MCP, Multiple Concurrent Sexual Partnerships

A high rate of HIV in females age 20-25

We then created S.M.A.R.T. objectives for each problem (Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic and Time Bound). During Day 2 we broke into groups of four to come up with strategies and activities to meet these objectives. I challenged the groups to be creative, to “think outside the box” and to come up with new and innovative strategies that had not been utilized before. I specially advocated for utilizing positive role-models and positive behaviors not just “Don’t do this” messages.

The group exceeded expectations and were exceptionally thoughtful. We came up with over 35 strategies and activities that were excellent There were so many good ideas that we need to schedule a follow up working group to select only best of the best ideas that we would implement.

Just a few of the ideas included:

Highlighting the “Committed Couple of the Week” with a picture and short write-up in the newspaper then inviting all the weekly winners to a “Faithfulness is a Blessing” dinner on Valentine’s Day to select the Couple of the Year with full media coverage.

A monthly group for young parents on parenting issues and techniques. We will use many of the “Committed Couples” as role models and resources for young parents and single parent households

Forming support groups for Teen Mom’s in 2 of the villages which would be led by a Social worker and Psychologist from the Hospital.

Setting quarterly meetings with the “Shabeen Queens”—the mostly female owners of the many local bars to educate them about HIV and enlist their support against the illness. This may sound a bit strange, but has worked well in at least one other district.

A soccer tournament in which teams would be selected for participation based on the number of HIV tests that they could obtain from their team members, coaches and supporters

“My Life is in the Library.” which is my special project. I will make a separate Blog post about the details of this plan in a few days.

All in all, the food was great, the accommodations comfortable and a good time was had by everyone. It was an opportunity for all of us to get to know one another better and share in good spirits. We ended the retreat with a game drive out into the CKGR to see the wild game. The lions and giraffes made themselves scarce, but it was memorable.

Maureen's group from Kagiso School at the Leadership Training Conference



Peace Corps Halloween Party




Kgosi doing his thing




On the Game Drive



One of the interesting things about being a PCV is a certain rock star status in your village. Everyone wants their picture with you. Here our supplies officer, wanted this one for his office wall of Kgosi, Kopo and Thabo (Colin Pappajohn from Spokane WA)

T.P.

Research

I spent all of this week at a conference in Gaborone at a Government sponsored workshop on developing and implementing research projects in each of the districts in Botswana. It was at a reasonably high level and I guess as interesting as statistical analysis, quantitative and qualitative sampling can be. Each district brought its chief public health officer and HIV/AIDS officers, as well as one member of the community. Many brought their Peace Corps volunteers as well, since almost all of us had had exposure to research in one way or other. We were briefed on methodology and formed district groups to plan a research project which we would complete and present to a National seminar next May.

Our district came up with an interesting and potentially valuable study that will look at teenagers’ knowledge, outlook and willingness to be tested for HIV. Current BW law does not permit those under 18 to get an HIV test without parental consent. Virtually every healthcare worker thinks it is a bad law, but this is a fairly conservative country and the testing centers are bound by the law. Like virtually everywhere in the world, there are a number of sexually active teens under 18 who want to stay safe, yet do not want to have a dinner table conversation with their parents about their sexual activities. We hope with our survey we will generate data to go to the parliament to get the law changed. It would be a very worthwhile and productive outcome if things work out. Normally a week in a hotel for a Peace Corps Volunteer is a desirable treat, but in Africa, things never go according to expectations…..

T.P.

Question: What turns a fine honest upstanding man into a heartless thief without remorse inside of 10 seconds?

Answer: Why T.P of course

A little explanation might be in order………
I got my first, and hopefully last, bout of GI flu on Tuesday night at the conference. It almost surely was not related to food or water since Maureen had the same thing back in Ramotswa. Thankfully the purity and safety of the food and water is a non-issue here in Botswana. We have eaten and drank without any concern, wherever we have gone. So a virus it was, and from this episode I have learned a number of things:

--The GI flu here is virtually identical to the GI flu in the States. This was not a particularly comfortable insight. 'Nuff said.

--As might be expected, during the next 48 hours, I got on a first-name, up close and personal relationship with toilet paper (or T.P. as it is known both in English and Setswana)

--I had not spent much time pondering the issue, but I have now decided that T.P. here in BW is made out of construction paper coated with a few granules of gravel.

--No doubt in an effort to sell more T.P., the manufacturer of T.P. is particularly diabolical. Each roll has the outside sheets attached to the rest of the roll with a variation of super glue which penetrates down at least 15 more layers. This categorically precludes the possibility of opening the roll without digging down into the roll at least a half an inch in an attempt to rip off the first few sheets. After tugging, wrestling and ripping, the outside paper you obtain is a useless mass of shreds which are absolutely unusable for the intended purpose and is only suitable for mattress packing.

--Now, somewhat exhausted, you are left with approximately 2/3 of a roll, which you place back on the cylinder in the holder, but a new question emerges. What good are “perforations” in a T.P. roll if there is a zero probability that the paper will tear along the “perforations.” In fact the paper is unlikely to tear at all without the use of two hands. The usual one-handed T.P. snatch and rip which is often useful in the States is quite unproductive. Even in those rare instances when you are able to extract a mis-shapen shard of paper one-handed, the cylinder continues to unroll at lightning speed resulting in a massive pile of unrolled paper on the floor.

To solve this problem, one must therefore use two hands to get a usable piece of T.P. In Botswana however, the dispenser is never positioned in such a way that you can reach it with two hands without standing up or staying seated and executing a half-gainer combined with a full twist.


What does all this have to do with theft? Well, when you are at a conference at a nice lodge, there is only one thing worse than visiting the john every 60-90” ----this is urgently arriving at the john and realizing that there is not a single roll of T.P. in any stall. (This is a common, almost universal occurrence in BW)
-- Upon arrival in the bathroom, panic quickly sets in as you try to calculate the distance to the nearest alternate bathroom. Instinctively you begin to scurry out the door, but you are halted as you realize that this requires an extensive journey across open ground circumnavigating the swimming pool. The final decisive factor that stops you in your tracks is the knowledge that this second bathroom also may be totally out of T.P.
Logic, urgency and a desire to let the future take care of itself holds sway and you decide that a bird in the hand is worth public humiliation in the bush. You hustle back into the stall with urgent releas….er…. relief.

--With some time on your hands, you can now more slowly evaluate the consequences of your decision. You cautiously leave the confines of the stall and explore the options of T.P. substitutes. I don’t know exactly how this goes for women, but for men, this involves using your left hand to raise your shirt tail above your waist and using your right to tightly grasp your underwear, belt and trouser waistband in a manner that keeps them away from your posterior midsection, while keeping them from falling to the floor. You then assume a modified duck posture and waddle around the bathroom to carefully assess what assets you have at your disposal while feeling a distinct rearward cool draft. Pickings are slim. There are no towels, paper towels nor in fact is there anything that is not bolted to the walls. During this phase you are, of course simultaneously hopeful and terrified that someone will walk in. Hopeful because they could be a lifeline to go for T.P., but terrified as to how you will explain to them in broken Setswana why you look like you are walking around as an entrant in some kinky, half naked three-legged race.

Cultural creativity sets in and you recall bidets. You have never actually used one while in France, but you know that there is a whole segment of the world’s population that never uses T.P. at all, but simply wash themselves clean. This holds promise until you waddle over to the sink and begin to calculate just how high you will have to jump blindly backwards in a modified Fosbury Flop to achieve a somewhat soft landing on your rump directly in the sink with no margin for error. This would also risk sudden detection by a Motswana man walking in on you and you trying to explain your pose as “The Thinker” sitting backwards in the washroom sink with water running down your backside. Drying would also create a severe challenge since it would require an ankle-grabbing jack knife posture under the electric hand drier with your butt in the air high enough to trigger the motion activated blower. This almost certainly means jumping repeatedly with the hope that you can stay airborne long enough to trigger the ON switch. The whole bidet idea gets abandoned since you simply cannot come up with even a semblance of a rational reason to explain to a non-English speaking intruder why the crazy white guy is repeatedly trying to hop into the air to reach the air blower with his butt.

--Rationality is gradually turning into desperation as you begin to waddle out of the men’s room and call for help in the ladies room. No such luck as everyone is in the lunch line for food. You briefly consider opening the one remaining door to the outside world until you realize that it opens directly onto the end of the buffet line where all your esteemed colleagues are filing past with full plates of food in hand.

--I will not get into the grizzly details of the end of this saga, but you resolve that it will never happen again, and before lunch is finished, you go on a hunt to discover which bathroom might have T.P.

--Your first two attempts come up empty, but at last you strike it rich. There is a hidden away, little used bathroom where a stall has one precious roll of the blessed stuff. You feel as if you have won the Mega-Bucks, hit the Comstock Lode, found the Treasure of Sierra Madre and stumbled onto the Holy Grail. Now without even a wisp of compunction, you grab the roll and surreptitiously put it into your pocket for personal, portable fail-safe protection, without which you will not go anywhere for the next day or two.

--No this is not my personal T.P. Yes this is T.P. that the Lodge has put there for everyone to use and it is technically stealing, but do you care? Nnaaahhh! As you exit, do you spend any time contemplating the fact that you have absconded with the only salvation of the next poor bloke who follows you? Nnaaahhh. It only takes a few seconds of “finders, keepers” to rationalize this dastardly theft. Besides doesn’t Adversity Build Character? This next guy coming down the hall looks like he needs more character anyway.

--Not wanting to be the total ugly American, you do tell him that there is no T.P. in this bathroom, and that you will inform the Lodge staff about the problem. The man suddenly looks ashen and quickly hurries off in the other direction. This is because he knows that the request will be acted upon in “Botswana Time” which means there should be a new roll replaced a week from next Thursday.
.
--So I am now a heartless felon. I no longer care about anyone’s welfare but my own. My conscience has been silenced and I have begun the inevitable slide down the slippery slope into further crime and debauchery. What’s next? Hotel room towels? Pictures off the wall? Multiple copies of Gideon’s Bible? I fear I am doomed to a progressive descent into depravity. Although I believe that I will have enough self control to avoid committing buggery with a hippopotamus, you will undoubtedly soon catch sight of my mug shot on BW Wanted posters for bank stick-ups, insurance fraud and car-jackings.

Kgosi

OUR FIRST FIELD TRIP

Protocol and inefficiency—Take that! Dorans win!

Kopo got an invitation from another PC volunteer to bring a group of students from her school, Kagiso to Leadership training in Molepolole. Thirteen of the 46 students who were forming the new Peer Education Group were selected. Seemed easy enough…the invite contained the time, date and program outlined. But nothing in Africa is easy. (Could be a new mantra!) After sharing the invitation with her Guidance and Counseling Head, it was pointed out that the invitation did not contain the stamp of approval (literally) of the Head man of the inviting School…..therefore an invalid invitation. Back to phoning the other PC volunteer to explain the problem….three days later, a letter with the government stamp was faxed. Now we can proceed. But, nooooooo, it then emerges that faxed copies are not acceptable invitations.

Question from Kopo: “Since the workshop is three days away, can’t we just plan on it, invite the kids, get parental permission letters, arrange for transport and get a mailed invitation later?” Unheard of, but under the radar in a veil of secrecy, plans were made anyway. Two days before departure. Kopo decided to be proactive and booked the transport herself in the Registry Office….wrong again Kopo. Only officers of the School can book transportation. Back to square one with a crucial element of transportation. Then, since there are no computers that work at School, a trip to Kgosi’s office was necessary to type and print the permission slips….back to School again. Since the list of students was buried under piles of papers, Kopo’s counterpart took half an hour to find list of eligible kids.

Finally, letters and permission slips were compiled and then….how to find the kids? Now, it is one day before meeting…and oh yeah, transport is not yet confirmed. Kopo scattered to five House meetings to read the names of the selected students to report to Guidance Office….10 show up….need to hunt down the other three--needles in a haystack of 1600+ students, since no one seems to have a list of which students are in which classroom.

With only half of permission slips received, Saturday morning arrives….7 AM at School. By some miracle, at 7:30, with all students present and accounted for, Counterpart, Kgosi, Kopo and Kombi driver headed to Molepolole. Kopo still believes in miracles!

To document the truth of the tale, below are several pictures from the event. Eighty students from 6 different schools and 8 PC volunteers. Training was received on HIV/AIDS, public speaking, peer mediation and peer counseling—all student lead with a liberal dose of input from the PC’s.







The group from Ramotswa



THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

You can’t count on winning all the battles against demon protocol and African timetables though. This, as evidenced by a “mandatory” workshop for training on Research within BW which was scheduled mid-September for October 5-9. Six of us from Ramotswa, including two physicians, the Director of Public Health, and District AIDS Coordinator cleared our entire weekly schedule to attend. Hey, it was an opportunity to spend the week in a nice hotel on the town, and hopefully learn something.

On October 2, three days before we were supposed to leave, we got a call that the workshop was postponed to October 26-30. No reason, that’s just the way it is. Sooorrryyy! We again cleared our calendars to go on the new dates, including frantically trying to do any work that was needed for our big District Planning Retreat which would occur first thing Monday when we returned from the Research workshop.

By this Thursday though, we still had no idea where the Research workshop would be held. Someone came in to the office to report an overheard conversation that it was to be postponed indefinitely. We called the organizers to find out if this blasted thing was going to transpire and were told “Yes it is on and it will be held at the Big 5 Lodge……but we will tell you if anything changes.” That just didn’t inspire my confidence.

Friday at 4 PM we get another call that the conference is on, but they could not find enough hotel rooms for all the attendees, and we should plan on commuting every morning and evening from Ramotswa. Ugh! How to turn a fun week into a series of 12 hour days of commuter hassle. Well what could you expect if you are planning a week-long conference for 150 people two working days before it is to start?

As of now we are heading up to Gaborone at 7 AM tomorrow morning in hopes that there are accommodations. Stay tuned.


BURIED IS BEST

As many of you know, I am not the world’s best sleeper. I often arise and wander about the premises for an hour or two in the middle of the night before going back to sleep. About a week after we arrived in Ramotswa, I got up, went to the kitchen and turned on the light. There, three feet away, was the biggest roach I had ever seen. This somewhat surprised me since Kopo, dubbed the Queen of Clean by our children, sweeps the floor every evening for food crumbs until the bristles on the broom have been worn down to a nub. Truth be told, I am not real fond of roaches either, particularly ones the size of a horizontal oil derrick.

This roach was not big, it was HUGE. It was no little Swift Boat; it had USS and its country of registration painted on its stern. It wasn’t scooting and scattering like teeny-weeny roaches, this one LUMBERED. I wasn’t totally sure if it was moving until I saw the curtains fluttering in the wake. It was moving away from me so I figured I had a chance. I christened it the USS Dubya---------------------for Widebody.

Reaching for the only weapon I could find, a large skillet, I took a wild swing and scored a direct hit. Despite being on-target with the force of a “nucular” missile, the thing wasn’t even fazed. For the first time since our arrival, I rued the trans-Atlantic luggage weight restrictions which prevented me from packing the sledge hammer. Determined, I took another mighty whack. I was just about to give off a cry of “Mission Accomplished” when it turned around and looked in my direction. Uh-Oh. All I did was P---s it off. I was outted quicker than Valerie Plame. This thing looked mean. I didn’t want to be its enemy. If I knew if I wasn’t fer ‘em, I would be considered agin ‘em. I would be dropped like a liberal leaning US Attorney

Fortunately for my bodily integrity, it kept lumbering away. Looking at it from the rear, I kept being reminded of what one Alaskan sled dog said to the other Alaskan sled dog.

“You know there’s only one thing that I have learned in all my years of dog sledding.”

“What’s that?”

“If you are not the lead dog, the view is always the same.”

Rather than skittering into some space or looking for a coalition of other ships to accompany it into battle, its exit strategy from the house was to ram the kitchen wall head long, create a gaping hole and proceed out into the yard.

Shaken but intact, I thought I had heard the last of the USS Dubya. I knew if I revealed the existence of this creature to my wife that she would be on the next banana boat to the States and I would spending the next two years as a bachelor. It was best if this incident remained forever buried and never saw the light of day, somewhat like a secret CIA operation.

Months went by and I began thinking to myself …………………………
”You’re doin’ a hell of a job, Brownie.” That was all fine until this week when the Gaborone Daily News reporter cornered me and began asking rapid fire questions that felt like I was being water-boarded. He asked pointedly and repeatedly what I knew about the secret existence of the Dubya. I tried hemming, hawing and evading, but he told me that they already had confirmation from other sources of the Dubya’s sister roach, the USS Chainlink. The newspaper already knew that the Chainlink, another battle wagon, could rain laser-guided smart bombs around the world with deadly accuracy, but on occasion had been known to create wild “friendly fire” and once shot a member of its own armada.

I had to come clean and admit that yes, the Dubya, that lean mean fighting machine existed in my very own kitchen but now I didn’t know where it was at this time. When it left my house it seemed to be heading South, perhaps toward…I don’t know…..maybe Texas. The reporter tried to get me to confirm the idea that the Dubya and the Chainlink were holing up in a soon-to-be vacant US base in Cuba awaiting a military tribunal. I said I did not have that information, but if they were there, they were receiving good treatment--as good as or better than that required by the Geneva Convention.

Kgosi

Elections are done

National elections passed on Friday and with that hopefully, the end of the loudspeaker trucks at all hours of the day and night. Some controversy however has been brought by the BNF against the in-power BDP for screwing up the ballot and dis-enfranchising 23,000 police officers who were supposed to vote three weeks ago so they could man the polling places. The ballots allegedly were so defective that the Police were postponed to vote on Oct 16th with everyone else, but since they had to be at the polls, they couldn’t vote. “Scandal” cries the party that is not going to win, calling for the resignation of the election commissioner—don’t know yet if it will result in a disputed election and court fight. (Sound vaguely familiar?). It’s not likely to really make a difference since the BDP will probably out-poll the BNF by 3:1 in what virtually everyone agrees is a fair and legitimate democratic election. The BDP has been honest and good for Botswana for over 40 years, so they keep getting re-elected (what a concept!).

Uh-Oh………a Court fight or re-vote could mean more loud-speaker trucks.


Peace Corps moment #28

I was walking home from the office on Monday and see a group 8-9 year olds coming down the cross road. They keep a bit of a distance (this is not totally unusual since not all African children know what to make of us pale-skinned folk). Girl #1 then comes sprinting up to me with a big smile.

Girl #1: “Hiii” and gives me a high-five. (There is usually one brave one in every group)

Kgosi: Hi

Girl #1: I am fine

Kgosi: (not having asked, but…) I am fine too. O bidiwa mang? (What is your name?)

Girl #1: Boitamelo

Kgosi: Ke bidiwa Kgosi (My name is Kgosi)

Girl #1 (Boitamelo): You know me. You saw me before.

Kgosi: (Having no idea when or if I have seen her before. Also not sure if she has gotten her pronouns mixed up-- meaning to say “I saw you before”, but said “You saw me before”. It is also possible that she thinks because I may have seen her in the mix of 30-40 kids passing our house that I will remember her. After all there are 4 Caucasians and 25,000 Africans in Ramotswa and she remembers me).

Kgosi: Nice to see you Boitamelo. (Good all-purpose response)

The group has decided that I am benign and begins to gather round

Kgosi: Are you in school? (This is a good bet since they are all wearing school uniforms.)

Boitamelo and others in unison: Yes, Seboko Primary School

Kgosi: What did you learn about today?

Girl#2: We went to the Clinic today

Girl#3: We learn about the Ree-pro-duck tiff system

Boy#1: The Male Ree-pro-duck-tiff system

Girl #3: And the She-male Ree-pro-duck-tiff system

Girl#4: No (backhands Girl#3) the Fe-male Ree-pro-duck-tiff system

Boy#2: We learn about the penniz (pronounced like “The pen is on the table”) and the You-ree-tra
(OK Kgosi can’t pronounce “Urethra” most of the time either)

Girl#3: Yeah and fagina and the cervicks too

Kgosi: It is good to learn the right name for those things, not the silly names

All in unison: Yes!!............... Go Siame (Good bye)

Kgosi: Go Siame (I guess when the conversation is over, it is over)

___________________________________________________________________________

Having had a little more free time this week, I have been able to peruse the international news as much as the African news and the most interesting stories are coming from abroad. Therefore this week’s edition will have a decidedly world-wide flair.



The Kalahari Khronicle Volume 1, Issue 3
October 18, 2009

English population plagued by food

A report out of London this week indicates that half of all the British population (over 25,000,000 people) report at some time having been injured by…… well….. cookies. 500 have been hospitalized with severe burns apparently from dunking their cookies into hot tea, 5% of the injuries involved chipped teeth, 15% from choking, 7% occurred when the person was bitten by a wild animal trying to get at the cookie and 3% from poking themselves in the eye with the cookie while trying to eat it.

Kgosi’s Komment-- I would be totally mortified to show up at the emergency room and require hospitalization for an injury suffered while dunking a Fig Newton.

Cap’n I need more power (Scottie from Star Trek)

Three weeks ago several thieves were apprehended outside of Sacramento, California in the middle of the night as they were attempting to steal a giant pepper off the roof of a Chili's restaurant. They might have actually pulled off the heist, except in order to saw the pepper off with an electric chain saw, they were discovered having run a 470-foot extension cord over a four lane highway and through the parking lot of a Home Depot.

Kgosi’s Komment—Crooks are seldom numbers of Mensa, but don’t you think these guys would have heard of cordless appliances. Then again, any group that thought that it was a great idea to have a giant chili pepper in their backyard may not be the sharpest knives in the kitchen.

UK children required to pass test

Manchester Guardian, September 2009

Students in greater Manchester, England will now need to achieve certification in
"Using Public Transport (Unit One)" which tests a teenager's ability to catch a school bus. In order to pass, children must show that they can:
Walk to a bus stop.
Stand or sit and wait.
Enter the bus calmly and safely.
Sit where the bus driver tells you to sit.
Leave the bus safely

Kgosi’s Komment-- Kgosi wonders how many students actually failed this certification. I suspect they are the same folks who poke themselves in the eye with a gingersnap.



Coughing Mystery Solved

Associated Press, September 18, 2009

John Manley, a resident of Wilmington North Carolina has been plagued by coughing fits for the last two years. Doctors at Duke University Medical Center have solved the mystery after probing his lungs and removing a 1 inch piece of plastic, which had apparently rested there since he inhaled it nearly 2 years ago while drinking a soft drink at a Wendy's restaurant. The former home re-modeler said, “I like to take big gulps of soda. I don't know of any other ways of getting it there."

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi has stayed up several nights wondering whether this 1- inch piece of plastic was actually a section of the straw or part of a plastic spoon. Either way, if he could manage to inhale it without realizing it, no dinner invitations are forthcoming to Chez Kgosi.


Advertisement by Cashbuild Stores

Gaborone Daily News Sunday, September 13, 2009

For only 98 pula (approximately $11) any Gaborone resident can purchase a Rapido brand toilet bowl.

Kgosi’s Komment-- This does not include a toilet seat, a tank, any connections or any obvious opening from inside the bowl. Therefore, it is essentially a deep, elevated bed pan. Kgosi has trouble figuring out why anyone would want this product. It weighs too much to lift and has no way to empty it. This seems to preclude its being used for the usual purpose, but may explain the $11 sale price. Kgosi would never buy a toilet bowl with the Rapido brand anyway.



He’s got to see a Guy about a Horse

New York Daily News July 29, 2009

Rodell Vereen a 50 y.o. South Carolina man, was busted by the local authorities for having sex with a horse. This would have been bad enough, but he was already on probation for having sex with the same horse 18 months ago. According to police, he was caught dead to rights in a security camera video committing “buggery” with a 21 year old filly named Sugar.

The property owner, Barbara Kenley, had already seen camera footage of Mr. Vereen from 6 nights previous, but the police had been unable to identify the suspect in the picture. Ms. Kenley therefore began stand nightly watch in the barn waiting for him to return, which he did. When she pointed a shotgun at him, he said he was looking for a bathroom. Kenley told him he was “full of crap.”

Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi only has two things to say:

First, in the words of Nancy Reagan, couldn’t Ms Kenley have taught Sugar to
“Just say Neeeiiiggghhh?”

Secondly, you never hear of Africans committing buggery. It’s just too damn risky with a rhino.


Kgosi
Editor in chief
(We don’t make the news, we just report it)

Summer has arrived.

It took somewhat longer than most people expected, but summer weather has made its appearance in Ramotswa. There have been three days over 90° this week and we are attempting to cool the house at night with two fans. Can hardly wait for December and January.

I won't lie. It has really been a tough week and I'm not really sure why. In the words of my elder daughter, it was death by 1000 paper cuts. I suppose some of it has to do with being alone in the office and feeling responsible for making things go well which by and large, they did.

The best news of the week was that we got our hot water back, thanks solely to Kopo’s persistence. She said she was going to call the repair people every day until we got action. Dealing by phone with anyone here is a real challenge. She couldn’t reach the same person twice, the new person could not seem to recall any record of a problem having been reported; and of course, the ultimate excuse in Botswana: “We have no transport.”

Ultimately, when the repair person showed, a diagnosis was never made, although after a half hour on the roof, the hot water started to flow. He said if it there was any other problem, to just call. (Anyone want to make a bet?)
The most interesting event of the week was that Kopo and I went over to visit the new Ramotswa Library that is currently under construction. Although started in January and scheduled for completion last month, it is barely 2/3 done. We attended the Library Construction Committee meeting that had a number of people pointing fingers at each other. The principal construction company is a Chinese firm and two of its representatives, Mr. Wei and Mr. Chu, were there and took a fair amount of criticism from the 15 Batswana in attendance-- including the East Indian architect, the mechanical engineer, the structural engineer, the head of the electrical installers, and the client, who is the National Library of Botswana. Overall, it was a fascinating multicultural exercise which was still going on after two hours when we stepped out to get a tour of the mostly-still-cinder-block structure. It is going to be a beautiful building when completed, perhaps the nicest building in town. It will have 8-16 computers with Internet access, and will be a real asset when it is completed…… but I am not holding my breath.

We also met with Kakale Motlhabane, who is not only the librarian for Ramotswa, but is also one of our neighbors. I presented her with my initial thoughts on a secondary project I have been planning, which involves giving a series of 90-minute educational talks to the community at the new library with the title "My Life is in the Library." This will be a monthly series in which I will co-facilitate with a Botswana counterpart. I will give many of the presentations myself and focus on mental health, interpersonal relationships and life skills issues. I plan to have the talks recorded on DVD’s and distributed to all the reading rooms in the district.

A second portion of the project will be to form an ongoing group of in-school and young adult out-of-school youth called “Lifeline.” They will have ongoing discussions in a small group format, as well as form a working task force to create and distribute health-related messages to the schools and the community. In addition to health related topics, I hope to give instruction on computer skills, and spoken English.

Kakale was very positive about the project and has given the full support of herself and her staff. Unfortunately, the library has very few funds and any equipment or support that I would need for this project will either have to come from the Ministry of Local Government, or from a private donor. Next week I am going to Gaborone to meet with the national coordinator of Sesigo, which is the umbrella organization for the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, which is the primary donor paying for library construction throughout Botswana. Perhaps they may be interested in funding some ongoing programming beyond the building phase……will see.

A few more things I have learned since being in Africa

Life without a car is decidedly inconvenient

Life in a country that values age and maturity has its benefits
when you are 63

The war against AIDS is going to be a long one

It is comforting to stay in a country where guns are banned

Here, despite the best of hand washing, black underwear stays black
but white underwear turns gray.

Sincere compliments, a smile and hard work are valued in every culture

African flies are cagey, especially when you don’t have a fly swatter
because they don’t sell them here

Sunday morning with a cup of coffee and a newspaper is pretty close to
Nirvana, even if the paper is 7 weeks old

Jacaranda trees in full Spring bloom are simply spectacular







Goats will eat anything. (I unfortunately missed the picture of the goat standing on the cab of a pick-up truck for better access)




Hey I’m just a kid






Maaa, I’m stuck

Jump. You’re a goat



Don’t make me come in there!



Kgosi
October 11, 2009