National elections passed on Friday and with that hopefully, the end of the loudspeaker trucks at all hours of the day and night. Some controversy however has been brought by the BNF against the in-power BDP for screwing up the ballot and dis-enfranchising 23,000 police officers who were supposed to vote three weeks ago so they could man the polling places. The ballots allegedly were so defective that the Police were postponed to vote on Oct 16th with everyone else, but since they had to be at the polls, they couldn’t vote. “Scandal” cries the party that is not going to win, calling for the resignation of the election commissioner—don’t know yet if it will result in a disputed election and court fight. (Sound vaguely familiar?). It’s not likely to really make a difference since the BDP will probably out-poll the BNF by 3:1 in what virtually everyone agrees is a fair and legitimate democratic election. The BDP has been honest and good for Botswana for over 40 years, so they keep getting re-elected (what a concept!).
Uh-Oh………a Court fight or re-vote could mean more loud-speaker trucks.
Peace Corps moment #28
I was walking home from the office on Monday and see a group 8-9 year olds coming down the cross road. They keep a bit of a distance (this is not totally unusual since not all African children know what to make of us pale-skinned folk). Girl #1 then comes sprinting up to me with a big smile.
Girl #1: “Hiii” and gives me a high-five. (There is usually one brave one in every group)
Kgosi: Hi
Girl #1: I am fine
Kgosi: (not having asked, but…) I am fine too. O bidiwa mang? (What is your name?)
Girl #1: Boitamelo
Kgosi: Ke bidiwa Kgosi (My name is Kgosi)
Girl #1 (Boitamelo): You know me. You saw me before.
Kgosi: (Having no idea when or if I have seen her before. Also not sure if she has gotten her pronouns mixed up-- meaning to say “I saw you before”, but said “You saw me before”. It is also possible that she thinks because I may have seen her in the mix of 30-40 kids passing our house that I will remember her. After all there are 4 Caucasians and 25,000 Africans in Ramotswa and she remembers me).
Kgosi: Nice to see you Boitamelo. (Good all-purpose response)
The group has decided that I am benign and begins to gather round
Kgosi: Are you in school? (This is a good bet since they are all wearing school uniforms.)
Boitamelo and others in unison: Yes, Seboko Primary School
Kgosi: What did you learn about today?
Girl#2: We went to the Clinic today
Girl#3: We learn about the Ree-pro-duck tiff system
Boy#1: The Male Ree-pro-duck-tiff system
Girl #3: And the She-male Ree-pro-duck-tiff system
Girl#4: No (backhands Girl#3) the Fe-male Ree-pro-duck-tiff system
Boy#2: We learn about the penniz (pronounced like “The pen is on the table”) and the You-ree-tra
(OK Kgosi can’t pronounce “Urethra” most of the time either)
Girl#3: Yeah and fagina and the cervicks too
Kgosi: It is good to learn the right name for those things, not the silly names
All in unison: Yes!!............... Go Siame (Good bye)
Kgosi: Go Siame (I guess when the conversation is over, it is over)
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Having had a little more free time this week, I have been able to peruse the international news as much as the African news and the most interesting stories are coming from abroad. Therefore this week’s edition will have a decidedly world-wide flair.
The Kalahari Khronicle Volume 1, Issue 3
October 18, 2009
English population plagued by food
A report out of London this week indicates that half of all the British population (over 25,000,000 people) report at some time having been injured by…… well….. cookies. 500 have been hospitalized with severe burns apparently from dunking their cookies into hot tea, 5% of the injuries involved chipped teeth, 15% from choking, 7% occurred when the person was bitten by a wild animal trying to get at the cookie and 3% from poking themselves in the eye with the cookie while trying to eat it.
Kgosi’s Komment-- I would be totally mortified to show up at the emergency room and require hospitalization for an injury suffered while dunking a Fig Newton.
Cap’n I need more power (Scottie from Star Trek)
Three weeks ago several thieves were apprehended outside of Sacramento, California in the middle of the night as they were attempting to steal a giant pepper off the roof of a Chili's restaurant. They might have actually pulled off the heist, except in order to saw the pepper off with an electric chain saw, they were discovered having run a 470-foot extension cord over a four lane highway and through the parking lot of a Home Depot.
Kgosi’s Komment—Crooks are seldom numbers of Mensa, but don’t you think these guys would have heard of cordless appliances. Then again, any group that thought that it was a great idea to have a giant chili pepper in their backyard may not be the sharpest knives in the kitchen.
UK children required to pass test
Manchester Guardian, September 2009
Students in greater Manchester, England will now need to achieve certification in
"Using Public Transport (Unit One)" which tests a teenager's ability to catch a school bus. In order to pass, children must show that they can:
Walk to a bus stop.
Stand or sit and wait.
Enter the bus calmly and safely.
Sit where the bus driver tells you to sit.
Leave the bus safely
Kgosi’s Komment-- Kgosi wonders how many students actually failed this certification. I suspect they are the same folks who poke themselves in the eye with a gingersnap.
Coughing Mystery Solved
Associated Press, September 18, 2009
John Manley, a resident of Wilmington North Carolina has been plagued by coughing fits for the last two years. Doctors at Duke University Medical Center have solved the mystery after probing his lungs and removing a 1 inch piece of plastic, which had apparently rested there since he inhaled it nearly 2 years ago while drinking a soft drink at a Wendy's restaurant. The former home re-modeler said, “I like to take big gulps of soda. I don't know of any other ways of getting it there."
Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi has stayed up several nights wondering whether this 1- inch piece of plastic was actually a section of the straw or part of a plastic spoon. Either way, if he could manage to inhale it without realizing it, no dinner invitations are forthcoming to Chez Kgosi.
Advertisement by Cashbuild Stores
Gaborone Daily News Sunday, September 13, 2009
For only 98 pula (approximately $11) any Gaborone resident can purchase a Rapido brand toilet bowl.
Kgosi’s Komment-- This does not include a toilet seat, a tank, any connections or any obvious opening from inside the bowl. Therefore, it is essentially a deep, elevated bed pan. Kgosi has trouble figuring out why anyone would want this product. It weighs too much to lift and has no way to empty it. This seems to preclude its being used for the usual purpose, but may explain the $11 sale price. Kgosi would never buy a toilet bowl with the Rapido brand anyway.
He’s got to see a Guy about a Horse
New York Daily News July 29, 2009
Rodell Vereen a 50 y.o. South Carolina man, was busted by the local authorities for having sex with a horse. This would have been bad enough, but he was already on probation for having sex with the same horse 18 months ago. According to police, he was caught dead to rights in a security camera video committing “buggery” with a 21 year old filly named Sugar.
The property owner, Barbara Kenley, had already seen camera footage of Mr. Vereen from 6 nights previous, but the police had been unable to identify the suspect in the picture. Ms. Kenley therefore began stand nightly watch in the barn waiting for him to return, which he did. When she pointed a shotgun at him, he said he was looking for a bathroom. Kenley told him he was “full of crap.”
Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi only has two things to say:
First, in the words of Nancy Reagan, couldn’t Ms Kenley have taught Sugar to
“Just say Neeeiiiggghhh?”
Secondly, you never hear of Africans committing buggery. It’s just too damn risky with a rhino.
Kgosi
Editor in chief
(We don’t make the news, we just report it)
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