The Khronicle Is Back

     After an absence of several weeks, the Khronicle is back. It is a shame to have to take time off from work just to defend one’s reputation --but libel is libel and it is necessary to defend ourselves vigorously. Someone in our readership, who will remain nameless, wrote a letter to a competing newspaper which was published saying that the Khronicle was "a piece of crap." Kgosi denies that and took the case to court. The initial verdict went against the Khronicle when the judge said:

“It isn’t libel if it is true, and the Khronicle is the crappiest newspaper I know.  It’s brown journalism at its worst.”

I objected saying “With all due respect your honor; that term is yellow journalism.”

“Well it could be, because the Khronicle is also piss poor.”

We are appealing.

In the meantime Kgosi will be publishing some articles to show what really “crappy” journalism looks like.

Some Things That You Cannot Do with Poop.

You Can't Give It Back to the Alleged Owner

The Associated Press reports the incident of a woman in Naperville Illinois who stepped in dog feces outside her apartment and appears to have retaliated by heaving it at the door of her neighbor who owns the dog. Susan Miller was charged with disorderly conduct after her bizarre protest. Police say Miller also uprooted a sign telling residents to pick up dog waste and placed it on the neighbor’s patio. After Miller was arrested, the unapologetic woman said if she can pick up the poop from her 80-pound dog her, neighbor can pick up after a 20-pound dog.

Kgosi’s Komment—With these two canine poop factories in the same building, Kgosi would have to wear golashes just to walk to the parking lot.

You Can't Light It on Fire

Andrew Charles Donahue 18 was booked early Sunday in Greeley Colorado after he was caught red-handed with a bag of dog poop and matches headed for the front porch of Wayne Pickens, aged 57 and a longtime Greeley resident. At 4:30 a.m. on Sunday someone rang Pickens’ doorbell.  When he went to the front door Pickens saw his Sunday Denver Post ablaze on his front porch, but quickly extinguished the burning newspaper.  He thought the pranksters might come back although he assumed “that they were not going to be that stupid." Just in case, he waited in ambush while several young men from next door were using a flashlight to pick up dog poop from the front yard and put it into a bag.  Pickens called police as his wife snapped pictures of the "gentlemen." Mr. Donohue was caught red-handed with the poop and matches headed for Pickens front porch. Donahue has been charged with attempted first-degree arson, reckless endangerment, criminal mischief and possession of alcohol by a minor.

Kgosi’s Komment--Kgosi was not aware that you could actually set dog poop on fire whether old or fresh. It is also Colorado's first case of crap-related arson.

You Can't Throw It in the Face of Bad Drivers

The Associated Press reports on a Belmont, Massachusetts woman who has been charged with throwing a bag of dog feces in the face of a passing motorist to try to get him to slow down.  Sgt. Rick Santangelo says the motorist contacted police the next day to report being struck in the face with dog poop.

The woman is charged with assault and battery with a dangerous weapon.


Kgosi’s Komment -- To be considered a "dangerous weapon", that must've been a major load of stinky turds.

In other news……..

Lack of Intelligence Knows No International Boundaries

Interfax news reports that Russia's finance minister Alexei Kudrin has urged its citizens to smoke and drink more as this will assist in lifting tax revenues for spending on social services. "If you smoke a pack of cigarettes that means you are giving more to help social problems such as boosting demographics, developing other social services, and upholding birth rates."

This follows on the finance Ministry's announcement in June to double the excise duty on cigarettes. Kudrin stated "People should understand: those who drink and smoke are doing more to help the state."


Kgosi’s Komment-- You gotta love campaign rhetoric
Kudrin is running on the party ticket that goes by the initials VCCCASCH
(Vodka Cures Cigarette Cough and Smoking Cures Hangovers)

Everybody Wants to Be Wanted

Police in suburban Cincinnati arrested a woman after she flagged down an officer and asked if there were any warrants out for her arrest. The Cincinnati Enquirer reported that after Lockland police officer Dan Lyons informed 44-year-old Selma Elmore that she did have an outstanding warrant, the woman ran off. The chase ended when Lyons pushed Elmore into a building injuring his elbow while backup officers apprehended the woman. Elmore, wanted for allegedly failing to have paid a fine as a result of a drug conviction, now faces a charge of resisting arrest.

Kgosi’s Komment—Last week Kgosi did ask a Ramotswa policeman if he was wanted on any charges, but was told-- “Not yet.  It’s still legal to print a crappy newspaper."


Where the Sun Don't Shine

When Sheriff's Deputies in Bradenton Florida allegedly discovered bags of marijuana and cocaine between a man's buttocks, Raymond Stanley Roberts told them "the white stuff is not mine, but the weed is." Stopped initially stopped for speeding, officers said they smelled marijuana in Mr. Robert’s car and began searching.  This was when officers discovered a bag of marijuana tucked into Mr. Robert’s butt. It was slightly later that they discovered another bag in the same place which contained 27 pieces of rock cocaine.

Kgosi’s Komment-- This must've been a pretty shoddy search, if somehow they found a bag of marijuana, but didn't notice a bag of cocaine at the same time.


Kgosi did want to ask Mr. Roberts how those bags were placed there. Did he do it himself and was just "holding something for a friend?" Or perhaps did someone else sneak into his crotch when he wasn't looking and put the bags up there without his knowledge? In any case, Kgosi has stopped using Mr. Roberts as his drug dealer now that the weed he is selling has started to smell .......uh.......really crappy.


Kgosi