All This and the Khronicle too

The weather has finally shifted in Ramotswa and the peak of summer has passed. The last week or so has been simply beautiful -- warm sunny days with temperatures in the 80s, nights in the high 50s which is great for sleeping, and cool, crisp mornings on which to enjoy a cup of coffee on the patio. We even cleaned our two fans in the house and put them away for next year. Hopefully if things go as they did last year, we should have several months of nice weather before the cold sets in.

The Newbie’s.

I met the BOTS 9 group of Peace Corps volunteers in Gaborone last Monday. Fifty seven of them traipsed off the bus from the airport, all looking quite exhausted—small wonder given their travel schedule. They were picked up at 1:30 AM in Philadelphia and driven to New York City. They arrived at 4:30 AM and waited three hours to board the plane from JFK. After the 15 hour flight, they arrived in Johannesburg to wait another seven hours to board the flight to Gaborone. Although tired, they were all excited to be here and to begin to experience "the real Africa."

There are five married couples in the group, although only one in our age bracket. There are 10 individuals who are 61 or older (including one 80 year old woman) and no one between 36 and 60. They look younger than our group, although no less passionate and eager to get going. I and several of the other current volunteers did some icebreakers and "get-to-know-you’s" for several hours on Tuesday morning before they started their first Setswana lessons. No one could have been happier that day than I knowing that I didn't have to start Pre-Service Training all over again. Experience is a wonderful thing!!

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BILLBOARD UPDATE.

You may remember that one of our district projects which was begun last August was to put up some informational billboards on HIV related topics. We held a competition among students in various schools to get their ideas for messages that would speak to the youth about preventing teenage pregnancy. After several months, we received a lot of submissions and chose the best two. They were placed on the back and front of relatively large billboards, which would be placed in three locations in the district. With the holidays, and other backlogs, we didn't get around to getting the billboards actually constructed until February, but they finally arrived six weeks ago. We had sites picked out, but had to go back to the drawing board when our initial inquiries yielded the information that the Roads Department would not permit any signs regardless of type, nearer than 31 meters from the center of the road. Therefore we needed to find some sites that were far enough away from the road to meet the guideline, but still visible to road and foot traffic.

Everyone in the office concurred that the best way to proceed was to meet with the Kgosi’s of the various towns to obtain their permission. We did so and received enthusiastic support, and in each case were directed to the head of the Village Development Committee who helped us choose appropriate sites and gave the go-ahead. Then the real fun began.

The Botswana fiscal year ends on March 31. As is the case every year, any unused monies (which would pay for the billboards) had to be spent before mid-March. It took some doing, but we finally got the authorization completed in time to issue a check to the billboard maker. In the process, however, we had to go to the Physical Planning Committee to get their official okay. The Planning Committee gave us a five page application to fill out including detailed site maps of where the signs were to be placed. I spent the better part of a morning drawing the maps and filling out the application. I got to the Planning Committee office only to hear: “Kgosi, your maps are too small, they need to be bigger. Bring back bigger maps and the committee will consider it at our next meeting, which is in May. Oh yes, and you need to go to the Land Board to get their permission before you can even take it to our committee.”

So, my counterpart and I headed to the Land Board, where we proceeded to get the runaround with several different people, none of whom seemed to know definitively what we needed to do. They said that the Director of the Land Board had been transferred, and was not yet replaced; the assistant director has been transferred and he had not been replaced. But for now, fill out this six page form, submit all their required fees, and when the committee meets, which may occur in a couple of months, we will consider your proposal.

Now we think it is time to go to the District Commissioner to see if we can get some help with this bureaucracy. The sign maker is appropriately pressuring us for his payment, given that the signs were delivered over a month ago, and he has to play his suppliers. The people who make out checks, however say the sign people cannot be paid until the signs are installed correctly in place. Meanwhile we get another call from the Physical Planning Committee representative who now says the larger maps, which I had submitted, were not sufficient and that there needed to be maps made out by the person who was going to install the signs. I called the sign maker, and he said that he could not understand this. “I've never had to make maps for anyone. I just installed signs for the South East district four months ago and never had to make any maps.” I tell him that I am just the messenger, and the only way he is going to get paid is if he makes the maps. This somewhat satisfies him and he agrees to make maps if I will fax him copies of my maps, so he can literally copy them. (He does not want to actually have to visit the sites). Now with the help of the District Commissioner, we go back to the Land Board, who says if a representative from the Board goes out to visit the sites with one of us, “perhaps” they can expedite the process. I have been the designated representative to go out with the Land Board person tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath. Stay tuned.

WALKING AROUND THE VILLAGE.

I am walking to work on Friday morning when I come upon two young boys (probably about ages four and two) walking down the road pulling a very cute and very young puppy, held by a piece of twine around his neck.

Kgosi: “Dumela Bana.” (Hello children), Pointing to the puppy. “Bontle, O bidiwa mang?” (Very beautiful. What is the dog's name?)
The children look at me as if I am from another planet.
Kgosi (Maybe they are from another African country and don’t speak Setswana, so in English—“What is the dog's name?”)
The children: “Doggie”
Kgosi: “Oh that is a good name.” “Can I pet him?”
Children: (Nods)
As I reach down to pet him. "Doggie" turns and rapidly runs toward Zimbabwe straining at the leash.
The children pull him back to me and I again reach down to pet him, at which time "Doggie" takes a leap toward my hand and snaps his jaws trying to take a large chunk out of my index finger, but just misses.
Kgosi: "Maybe you should call him crocodile”
Children: “No, because it is a dog.”
Kgosi: (realizing that any explanation would be futile) “Okay. You guys have a good day. Goodbye.”
(After I had walked about 10 paces) Children: "Give us two pula”

The more things change, the more they stay the same.



The Kalahari Khronicle Volume 1 Number seven

Dead Reckoning

The Associated Press in London arrested two women at Liverpool's John Lennon Airport after they reportedly tried to smuggle a corpse onto a flight. They were detained "on suspicion of failing to give notification of death” of a 91-year-old man. The BBC and other media reported that the women had placed the man, a relative of theirs, into a wheelchair and covered his face with sunglasses in a bid to get him aboard a flight to Berlin. The women aged 41 and 66 were detained, but were released on bail.

Kgosi’s Komment-- Actually this 91-year-old was alive when he started the previous connecting flight but was served one of the in-flight meals and died of indigestion. The ladies claimed that they did not even know he was dead until the police discovered the problem, but said the meal was "bloody awful."

It Doesn't Pay to be Dead.

A police tow truck in New York City has been reported by the Associated Press to have removed a minivan parked outside a New York City funeral home, taking its dearly departed passenger on an unexpected side trip. NYPD spokesman Paul Browne said there was "nothing to indicate that it was anything more than an illegally parked car." Redden’s Funeral Home director Paul DeNigris said that the windshield placard had fallen down and the tinted windows helped obscure the fact that there was a body inside. DeNigris said he was "a wreck" after discovering the van was missing in Manhattan and rushed to the police tow pound, where he explained the circumstances. He was ultimately given the van back and got it to the airport in time for a scheduled flight to Miami. He is however still fighting the $115 parking ticket.

Kgosi’s Komment—If Kgosi ever leaves a corpse with Redden’s in the future, he is not exiting without a receipt.


World Champion

The Gaborone Daily News reports a story out of Japan in which Mai Sato was crowned the world champion at the Second International Competition held in Tokyo for her sport -- pole dancing—usually the denizen of strip clubs. In February, Ms Sato beat out competitors from 11 other nations to win the championship and then in a post competition interview said that "I think pole dancing should be in the Olympics.”

Kgosi’s Komment-- The Russian judge gave her a 9.5. When asked why he did not give her a perfect 10, he garbled "too skinny and no babushka.” His comments might have carried more weight, except he smelled suspiciously like vodka.

Toilet Training

The Associated Press reports that a woman who was staying in a hotel in La Vista Nebraska just south of Omaha, called the front desk when she found a python curled in her toilet. The python appeared to be three years old. The hotel officials declined to comment

Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi feels that this article neglected to report one crucial detail, which was--Did this woman find the snake in her toilet before or after she sat on the pot? Since reading this story, Kgosi has had great difficulty using the bathroom, particularly in the dark. He has also made several Internet searches on how long a human being can go before taking a crap.

This Really Makes Me Sick

Multiple news agencies have reported the story of the incident at a Philadelphia Phillies baseball game when a 21-year-old Cherry Hills NJ man, Matthew Clemenson, was arrested after he intentionally vomited on the 11-year-old daughter of a police officer. The officer, an Easton, PA Police Captain was sitting next to his daughter and says he saw Clemenson intentionally stick his fingers down his throat in order to throw up on the child after Clemenson's friend had been thrown out of the ballpark.

Kgosi’s Komment-- Kgosi has done some pretty silly things in his life, but he would never, never intentionally throw up on an 11-year-old.
What?... Kopo, you say that I should come clean? .......................................................Okay I was arrested for doing that, but it was when I was young and stupid ………………………………………………………………………………
OK,OK…………………………………….it was last January …………………………………………………………………
Alright, already…
It was my third offense, so I was sentenced to 20 weeks of therapy for "vomit management."

But I would never, I repeat never ever do it on a law enforcement official or some member of his family…………………………………………

No Kopo, a TSA officer at the airport security gate is not technically a law enforcement officer, and besides he deserved it----he would not let me bring my python as a carry-on.

Kgosi