Students in seven different schools including Kagiso Senior Secondary School here in Ramotswa where Kopo is serving, went into a “revolt” against the school administrators and teachers. There were some rock throwing incidents and broken windows. Police report that at Kagiso, 11 students were arrested for breaking into the school kitchen and stealing food.
As it happens, we were in Gaborone teaching at the medical school on Monday when this happened so we were not close to any of it. All has been relatively quiet since then. One would not know anything was happening from walking around the village, taking the buses, or engaging in one’s regular activities. It is just difficult to see how this is all going to play out as both sides in the strike seemed firmly entrenched.
For us, Kopo is most affected since the schools were closed after the rioting. She misses the kids and worries that her teaching goals may go unmet for this semester if the situation does not resolve soon. Otherwise, it means that we have no drivers or transport vehicles to go to any activities; we can’t order or obtain any supplies; and our Life Line youth group was cancelled for last week. Now, it is day by day waiting and watching.
Despite the upset with the strike, Kopo and I have carried on with the two major projects that we are still working on—namely teaching at the medical school, and doing a second draft on our book.
Kgosi and Kopo teaching
I also have been able to move ahead with the youth moviemaking project that we have been undertaking for the past eight months. All of the videos (on the subject of preventing teen pregnancy) have now been edited and we had a meeting earlier this week to have them independently judged. Some of these amateur movie makers are really good! As soon as we can work out the transportation issues to have the students gather from the three villages, we will schedule a screening with all the youth and our South East District Academy Awards for best movies and actors.
I have also learned who my replacement will be in the new Peace Corps class. It is a man in his late 50s from western upstate New York who has worked as a hospital administrator prior to coming to the Peace Corps. He will be moving into our apartment and taking over my position in the District AIDS Coordinator’s office. I think he is a great choice and will work out well in the office. Kopo will not be replaced at this time as Peace Corps is trying to match up the start time of PC school volunteers with the beginning of the academic calendar. That group won’t be replaced until a second class of volunteers arrives in September.
Kalahari Khronicle Volume 2, Number 9
You Win Some and You Lose Some
In line with the “Golden Raspberry Awards” known as the “Razzies,” handed out annually by a group in America for the worst movie films of the year, this year the University of Botswana started a tradition to “honor” the worst of Botswana media. They have called their award “The Tail End of the Donkey,” however everyone now calls them the “Assies.” Somewhat to our surprise, the Khronicle was named “The Worst Newspaper on the Continent” by the selection committee. They cited a particular story in volume 1 of the paper documenting Kgosi’s episode of explosive diarrhea resulting in his becoming a toilet paper felon. They called it a blatant example of tail-end journalism. Kgosi thought it best to play along with the fun and showed up in person to receive his Assie. It would not have been so bad if they had not introduced him as the Ass behind the Khronicle and the Biggest Ass this side of Namibia. Nonetheless he received his statuette showing a brown donkey from the rear and gave a gracious acceptance speech.
Of more serious concern this week however, the Khronicle was served with “cease and desist” papers by the local magistrate claiming that the Khronicle was “The Worst Newspaper on the Continent.” The document went on to say that the Khronicle had 30 days to shut down operations or arrests would be made. Needless to say, Kgosi totally disagrees with this assessment and will fight the order vigorously, even if he is behind bars.
The Khronicle has been scouring Gaborone for the best legal representation to defend us in court. Information on the street has coalesced around a single individual who is reported to be the finest defense lawyer in the country. He is a Chinese national who had been living in Botswana for a number of decades by the name of Char Ching Fat Feez. Kgosi had a difficult time finding Mr. Feez since his listing in the phone book gave his address as:
Offshore Bank Building
42 Notax Street
Grand Cayman
Through diligence, Kgosi made contact and had a preliminary meeting with Mr Feez who seemed competent, but was ridiculously expensive. But drastic times called for drastic action. Kgosi has made an executive decision to sell the Khronicle’s printing presses, paper, ink, and fire all the employees (except Kgosi) so Mr Feez’ retainer can be paid and the paper can continue to provide our readers with our highest quality editions. Mr Feez said that the fact that Kgosi has recently graciously accepted a statue for being “The Worst Newspaper on the Continent” may be a slight impediment to our case. But he also said we could counter sue for a million Pula since when the cease and desist order was hand-delivered, Kgosi got a paper cut.
As you know, the Khronicle had never asked for contributions or financial support. Now is the time however, and Kgosi is imploring all of our regular readers to send whatever they can spare to keep our rag… I mean our newspaper… afloat. Please act quickly and send your contributions to save the Khronicle.
Mr Feez has requested that to satisfy article 15, section 4, subsection 2A, paragraph 3 in the second footnote to Line 8 of the Botswana international legal code, all checks should be not made out to “Save the Khronicle Fund” but rather to:
Nameless Shell Company
Account # XZ459271GQ
Zurich National Bank
In the meantime, the Khronicle will not be hamstrung by these threats and, at least until the buyers come to pick up the printing press, we will continue to publish what our readers want.
Man-Dog Story
The Associated Press reports from Phoenix that a 33-year-old man who bit back after he was caught by a Phoenix police dog is suing the police. Erin Sullivan alleges the dog violated his civil rights and used excessive force to capture him after he ran from officers in Glendale during a burglary investigation last year. Police say Sullivan then bit the dog. The lawsuit is seeking $450,000 from the cities of Phoenix, Glendale, and four officers. He is now serving eight years for convictions in the Glendale burglary.
Kgosi’s Komment—Rumor has it that there were teeth marks on the dog’s ear and Kgosi has it on good authority that as soon as Mr. Sullivan is released from prison, he is planning to take up a boxing career billing himself as “the next Mike Tyson.”
Big….. Well…. Trouble
The Associated Press in Scranton Pennsylvania say they recovered more than 50 bags of heroin, cash and loose change from a woman following a cavity search. Authorities say 27-year-old Karin Mackaliunis was detained last weekend following a car crash. Scranton police say they found three bags of heroin in her jacket and after being taken to the police station she told investigators she had more in her vagina. A doctor performed a search of her vaginal vault and recovered 54 bags of heroin, 31 empty bags used to package heroin, miscellaneous prescription pills, a $50 bill and $ 1.22 in loose change.
Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi has absolutely no comment on this story except to say that Ms Mackaliunis must really be poor because she can’t afford a change purse.
Classified ad from the Botswana Daily News on May 3, 2011:
Under business services “Wholesale: wigs, hairpieces, hairfood 397 2967”
Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi has followed up on this advertisement and ordered a large shipment of “hairfood.” He is sure this will be the next big thing in the United States and will open a fast food franchise called McWigs with the entire menu made from hairfood. Featured on the menu will be:
The Beehive Burger
The all-time favorite-- the Big Mc Comb-over with two all-hair patties, special sauce, lettuce and tomato on a sesame seed bun
The healthy dieter’s alternative “The Bald Spot”
The filet of French Braid sandwich
Plain hairfood will be deep fried so that all employees will be able to ask each customer, “Do you want hair with that?”
New Career in the Offing
A report from Britain describes that when London police dragged a body from the river last June, rules and regulations dictated that they call for a doctor to determine that the individual was actually dead even though he was missing his head. When police pulled a headless body from the river you would have thought it unnecessary to have a doctor confirm that the person was dead, but in Britain, as in Botswana, protocol rules. A medic was duly called in to declare that the man in question was actually “life extinct”
Kgosi’s Komment—Kgosi now knows that his somewhat-rusty medical skills can still be used. He will set up shop in Denver with a unique specialty whereby he will be on call with the sole purpose of declaring that someone is “life extinct.”
Since Dr Kevorkian has already been coined Dr. Death, Kgosi is changing his name to
Dr. X Stinked
Business flyers will be circulated all over the metro area
Specialist in all the questionable cases of untimely death.
Don’t be fooled by keeping Grandpa around for weeks after he has expired. Worse yet, avoid the embarrassing situation of burying Cousin Mildred when she hasn’t yet kicked the bucket. I cover all cases of headless corpses, lifeless stares, and decomposed remains.
Our specialty—telling rigor mortis from intoxication
All insurance policies that cover erroneous identification of death are accepted.
Call today before humiliation happens!
Kgosi
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