Meetings in Botswana, as far as I can tell, are something of a mixed bag. Western meeting process is a relatively new concept here. Often meetings tend not to happen at all or start an hour later than scheduled since members, including the chairperson, don’t come until 45” into the meeting time. Meetings are long and are still something of a blur to me since they are predominantly conducted in Setswana. You do get the feeling that some of the members don’t see the wisdom of parliamentary procedure. Two things are guaranteed though. Firstly, tea and biscuits will be served (I am told that if food is not part of every event, nobody comes). Secondly, the meetings always begin and end with a prayer. During my first days, I made the error of offering to begin one meeting with a prayer and now it is rather expected that I do so at all times.
On Wednesday, the Monitoring Officer and I twice drove 30” to meetings that did not occur because important people were not there. Granted, in one case it was because there had been a 7 hour Kgotla meeting (think town council) which had just adjourned and people wanted to go home. There is a prevailing feeling that if things do not occur on a particular day, that they will eventually happen, and why should we even care. Somehow miraculously, things do get done.
Thursday, we did have a meeting which took place. This meeting was to receive the reports of four “sub-committee” groups that had been assigned tasks in a previous meeting so as to plan a large district-wide event which was up-coming soon. When called upon, two of the groups had essentially the same reply. They smiled broadly, said they had never gotten together since the last meeting and they had no report. Although I do not know what Pirate-speak sounds like in Setswana, I think the Chairman responded with something like “Arrrrrrgggg.”
The meeting went on for two hours mostly in Setswana with the final conclusion that we needed to schedule another meeting. Although I did put in my two cents worth to the discussion, the latter portion of the meeting was somewhat unintelligible until this dialogue---
Etc, etc etc (In Setswana)…….
Chairman: “Kgosi, so what do you think?”
Kgosi “Huh?”
Chairperson: “Perhaps you could close the meeting with a prayer.”
Kgosi: “Oh yes."
[Prayer]
Kgosi (thinking to himself): “We thank you Lord for bringing this meeting to a............a.............conclusion”
Sometimes you just wish for better Setswana and good old-fashioned American efficiency.
THE AMERICAN WAY (If this were not absolutely true, it would be funny)
Before we left for BW, Maureen and I, being the thrifty sorts that we are, decided we needed to find the credit card that had the lowest international conversion rate. Advised by Consumer Reports, we applied for and received a credit card. To protect the “innocent,” this card shall remain nameless-------------------------but its initials start with “Capital One No-Hassle Rewards Card.”
Having made one purchase 2 months ago for about $220.00, we decided that we needed to find out if the card worked in the Ramotswa ATM. One week ago we made a cash withdrawal of 200 pula (about $19). Having never received any previous communication from C. One, Thursday I received an email stating “Your credit card balance is past due and it will soon go to collection. You owe $276.92.” Trying to figure out what the accounting was, I logged on and saw that they had charged us a total of $54.76 for withdrawing the $19. In the midst of this investigation, the Internet went down. I tried again to log in to my on-line statement, but after several failed attempts to correctly enter my User Name and Password, I was “Locked Out” and unable to access my account. I then called C. One which led to the following conversation:
Agent # 1: “Yes Sir, can I help you?”
Kgosi: “Yes, I need to figure out how to get into my account on-line because I am “Locked Out.” I cannot figure out exactly why I owe $276.92 and I want to close my account.”
Agent # 1 “I see your account is about to go to collection. Do you want to pay now to keep out of collection?
Kgosi [reluctantly]: “OK, but I want to close my account.”
Agent # 1 “First I need…
Your full name?
Your birthdate?
The last four digits of your Social Security number?
Your billing address?
[After providing this information, a transaction ensued where I paid an amount to keep from going to collection]
Kgosi: “OK, that’s taken care of, but I want to close my account.”
Agent # 1 “May I ask why is that?”
Kgosi: “This card has been nothing but a hassle. I am now living in Africa. I never have received a statement. You charged me $54.76 to withdraw $19 and I don’t need this card.”
Agent # 1 “I am so sorry to hear that sir, but I need to transfer you to the on-line credit department to cancel your account.”
[4 minutes on hold]
Agent # 2 “Yes Sir, can I help you?”
Kgosi: “I want to cancel my card and I was told I needed to talk to you.”
Agent # 2 “May I ask why you want to cancel your card?”
Kgosi: “This card has not been working for me. I am now living in Africa. I never have received a statement. You charged me $54.76 to withdraw $19 and I don’t need this card.”
Agent # 2 “I am so sorry to hear that sir. First I need….
Your full name?
Your birthdate?
The last four digits of your Social Security number?
Your billing address?
[After providing this information again]
Agent # 2 “I am sorry sir, but our computers are down. I need to transfer you to another person who can handle that cancellation for you.”
[3 minutes on hold]
Agent # 3: “Can I help you sir?’
Kgosi: “Yes I want to cancel my card.”
Agent # 3 “First I need….
Your full name?
Your birthdate?
The last four digits of your Social Security number?
Your billing address?
Your credit limit?
Kgosi: “I have no idea what my credit limit is, but it was $54.76 higher before C. One charged me $54.76 to withdraw $19.”
[Pause]
Agent # 3 “I will be right back with you.”
[3 minutes on hold, getting increasingly anxious that I will now lose the international telephone connection]
Agent # 3 “I am sorry that you want to cancel sir, but I need to transfer you to the on-line credit department to cancel your card.”
Kgosi: “I have already talked to agent # 1 and he gave me to agent # 2 in the on-line credit department. She said I needed to talk to you. I don’t want to go back to the on-line credit department. I JUST WANT TO CANCEL MY CARD!”
[Pause]
Agent # 3 “Let me get back to you sir”
[4 minutes on hold]
Agent # 3 “OK sir maybe I can handle that for you.”
Kgosi: “Thank you, I want to cancel my card.”
[2 minutes on hold]
Agent # 3 “OK sir, I put in the order to have to have your card cancelled.”
Kgosi: “But you aren’t sure if it is cancelled?”
Agent # 3 “I put the order in.”
Kgosi: “How much more will I owe to have a zero balance and make sure I don’t receive any more charges?”
Agent # 3 “Well right now you owe $192.47.”
Kgosi: “So when I send you a check for the amount due, the balance may be different by the time that the check gets to you, and I may receive a statement saying that I owe
37 cents or some such amount.”
[Pause]
Agent # 3 “That is possible.”
Kgosi: “So if I want to zero the account, pay you and never hear from C. One again, how can I find out how much I owe?”
Agent # 3 “You can call back again when you get the bill and find out what the amount is for that day.”
Sometimes you just wish for a place where things are relaxed and no hassle, like...............like..............well...............Africa.
Kredit Kard Kgosi
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